Not an Angel

There is a song, I heard recently that seems to fit My mood lately. I thought in today's blog I would share it with you.  The lyrics read like this...

You made a mistakeOn the day that you met me and lost your wayYou saw all the signsBut you let it goYou closed your eyesI should've told you to leaveCause I knew all the time you couldn't handle meBut you're hard to resistWhen you're on your knees begging me[CHORUS]I tear you downI make you bleed eternallyCan't help myselfFrom hurting you and it's hurting meI don't have wings so flying with me won't be easyCause I'm not an angel, I'm not an angelI hate being that wallThat you hit when you feel like you gave it allI keep taking the blameWhen we both know that I'll never change[CHORUS]I wasn't always this wayI used to be the one with the haloBut that disappeared when I had my first taste and fell from graceIt left me in this placeNow I'm starting to think maybe you like it[CHORUS]I'm not an angel

As I have been finding My sadistic side this song tends to resonate well.... I see Myself becoming more and more so.  I've never been an angel but as this new part of Myself emerges it's taken Me deeper into the beautiful darkness of desire that I enjoy so amazingly.

My brenda has been enjoying the dark descent into these dark waters... I have as well.  To describe it, not like I haven't just done so twice but yeah.  It's very much as if I've begun to shed a layer of heavy coat covering wings that were there all along.  They were simply hiding under the cloak of personal denial.  As the cloak slips off the beautiful dark wings stretch and flutter.... I'm enjoying the highs they are just beginning to take Me to.  

Thank you My beautiful love, for trusting Me enough to allow Me to put you through some pain for loves sake.   I cannot express enough how honored and proud I am to be your Mistress.  

Here is the video if anyone would like to hear the song.

The Moments.

Life is made up of moments.  Fleeting pieces of time that capture you where you are.   Think about it.  We don't remember an entire year, a week or even a day.  When we look back we see little moments strung together to create our lives.  Quite a bit like a mosaic.  Little colorful squares put together in an odd array that make up a larger more beautiful picture.  

A smile when My heart is weary.  The sound of laughter from My children in the next room. That second your heart falls when you hear glass shatter somewhere in the house.  A well placed hug when I'm cold and shivering. The frustration as I try to breathe without pain or stuffy coughing.  The comfort of a soft (teal) blanket wrapped around Me when I've fallen asleep on the couch. A listening ear when I've a story to tell.  The smell of Mema's fresh baked bread as I walk into her house. The fun of flying Christmas wrap after the presents have been opened (yes we have Christmas wrap wars at My house).   The look of love when I utter the words 'I love you'. 

  These are but a few of My moments the last few weeks. I've learned to treasure these moments.  Each grand in it's own right, even those seemingly small.  Life is pain, it's pleasure, sadness and grief, yet it's light and love as well as warmth.  I don't live a grand flair filled life but I enjoy the life I have.  

   Thank you, My readers and friends, for allowing Me to relive these moments along with so many many more this past year with you.  Thank you also, for understanding and patiently waiting for Me to return to you.  I look forward to numerous more moments with you in 2015. 

Wish Lists and Cheap Thrills

About a month ago I was asked, by a guy who I'd chatted with casually, if I had an amazon wishlist and if I'd allow him the pleasure of seeing it and perhaps gifting Me one of the items listed.  

I'm not naive' by any means, I've seen the profiles that ask for 'tribute' and I've had plenty of wankers wanting fodder material if they 'tributed' Me.   Even those who email or message asking if I will take control of their computer and 'take' money from their account.... While I understand I suppose, why they get their 'kink' out of it... it's never been something I have even given a second thought to.

I AM a Domme, a female dominant, a Mistress..... it's not 'what I do but who I am.  Just like having blue eyes, long legs, and a propensity to snort if I laugh hard.   For Me to put up a 'wishlist', ask for tribute, or even accept a tribute is lessening who I am.... therefore making Me some cheap thrill.  

I purposely don't take nude photos and post them.  I don't tell other's 'what I would do to them'.  I don't go into lengthy explanations of what I like and want unless we are actually talking about you being Mine.  This is calculated.  I don't like to give fodder material for wankers.  I'm not some idiots 'jack off Mistress'.  I'm not a peepshow.  

On a side note, the word tribute itself just gives Me the heebie jeebies...  when I think of a tribute what comes to mind is some Clash of The Titans type human sacrifice where some young pretty woman is tied, against her will, for a large beat to devour her..... I'd hate to be referred to as a monster of any sort.

It's not that I don't have a wishlist, I do.  It's been an ongoing list for quite a few years. I buy from it when I can.  Amazon is My favorite place to shop.  It's simply not My style to post it publicly for complete strangers to send things.   And no it's not because I'm shy.... if you've not gathered that I'm pretty damn open yet you've obviously not truly read what I have written.   

Bottom line, if someone wants to do something to thank Me for being Myself a simple email or message works wonders for the ego -winks-   If we are close and you want to buy a gift for a holiday I'm all for it, I like to receive as well as give just like the rest of you.  But I don't require payment of any sort simply to be friends with you, be who I am, or do what I do.

The Great Gatsby says Goodbye :(

Sometimes in life we are blessed with tragedy and loss just to remind us how fragile it can be. 

 If you've read My blog at all you'll remember My dear sweet Gatsby.  A tiny helpless kitten I found one night meowing under our porch.  He was scared, hungry, dirty, and needed a whole lot of love.  A little wisp of a thing that within just a few hours had My heart tucked in his soft broken little meow and filthy paws.  His purr was louder than life and he loved to snuggle up on My chest.  

I fell in love with that kitten over and over again.  Each time he'd run around playing with Alex (they were so cute playing tag together), greet Me at the door when I returned home with a rub against My legs, and every purr as I lovingly scratched his chin while I drifted off to sleep.  

He became such an integral part of our every day lives.  

Sadly our Gatsby passed away last night.  We knew it was coming.... you see, we found out he had feline leukemia, a cancer that cats can get.  He's not lived long, much less than expected, but he's lived well.  He's been loved and given us love in return.   

Towards the end, this last week, he was unable to move much.... we set him up a nice bed in the quiet room and we'd all take turns going in to quietly stroke his fur and talk to him.  His purr never stopped, even when his little legs did.  

Gatsby, your beautiful eyes, amazing purr, and soft cuddles will never be forgotten.  Rest in peace My little blessing.  Thank you for being Alex's first four legged playmate, you were truly a great one.  Thank you for filling My heart with joy and love in those lonely nights as you cuddled Me, somehow knowing I was alone and needed them.  I will miss those cuddles as well as the games we played running through the house and hiding from each other...  you were more human than cat.  

 Goodbye My dear four legged friend.