The Vetting Process

     I get many requests every day from men and women asking Me to consider them when looking for a submissive or slave.  While I am honored at each one many don't even get a response.  Those that do are never automatically assumed to be good candidates. I take extreme caution and care in choosing one who will serve Me.  I have an extensive vetting process and I'm never in a hurry to claim one as Mine. Vetting is making a careful and critical examination of something or someone.  My personal style of vetting a new submissive or slave isn't necessarily another Dominant's way but it serves Me splendidly and that's what matters.  

    It starts always with questions, questions, and more questions.  Simple, easy to answer, random questions. I say random but in all honesty if you know Me, you know nothing I do is very 'random'... everything has it's purpose.  I like to play a game with the questions, to make it more laid back than an interview of sorts.  Interviews turn Me off entirely and if I feel like I'm being interrogated I will quickly end the conversation. 

     The questions always start very vanilla.... very.   From what are your hobbies to where would you travel for a week if all expenses were paid.   I learn a great deal about a person with this line of questioning.  I learn where their passions, time, and money, are spent in their everyday life.  What type of personality they have and if they have things in common with Me that will build a good foundation.  Now, I don't want someone exactly like Me... one of Me is enough.  I do however find it necessary to have many vanilla commonalities.  If I cant have a good afternoon with you in the vanilla sense there is no way I'm going to be all kinky with you. 

     Once we've been chatting a bit I'll get to the kink.  A person's kinks and fetishes grow and evolve with them so I always ask what they are and what that means to them... TPE doesn't always look for one like it does for another.  Hard limits are asked as well.  If you're into something I absolutely will not do (like scat)  and you have to have it then obviously we are not a match and vice versa.  If however we've gotten to this point in our conversation I like you enough to have made a new friend and I enjoy friends. 

      Once kinks have been discussed I will ALWAYS go back to vanilla commonalities.  ALWAYS.   It astounds Me just how many times that once the 'kink' is added that the other person can not go back to vanilla conversation.  I get highly annoyed and will stop chatting with you altogether after one warning if I can't have a 20 minute conversation with you bringing up kink... especially the same kink.    I had a conversation with a man once at this point... once I told him I was into facesitting that is quite literally ALL he could come back to.  Every question, every message after he'd bring it up.... After one warning he did it again and I've never talked to him since.  When I say I won't talk to you if you do this... I mean it.  

        A contract is sent to you via email where I allow you time to thoroughly look over it and answer any questions you may have.  The contract is a general one that must be talked about and tweaked to fit our personal D/s or M/s relationship point by point, line by line.

       After you've seen the contract, if we are still chatting and you're still interested in being Mine I will set up a meeting with you.  A meeting doesn't guarantee that you have it in the bag either not that I don't already know if I want you or not.  The meeting is to test your public behavior, our physical chemistry, and your sincerity.  It serves to solidify what I already think of you.  I've generally a pretty good idea if I like you or want you at this point and you won't know.  Only twice has someone known before hand that I wanted them.... both times there was just a connection I couldn't deny and I couldn't keep them in suspense any longer.  

       You will know how I feel about you by the end of the meeting... I don't have much of a poker face, never have.   I show all My cards quite easily.  I'm not one to wear My heart on My sleeve but I never hide emotions and desires.  In a general rule... if I kiss you.... you are MINE (that is if you still want to be Mine, I don't force or assume).  If I don't... you should pretty much know that you and I are friends.  I may respect you, adore you, and enjoy you but it just isn't there for Me for some reason.  

         We go over the contract over a few hours or days by text and email, doing the tweaking as we discuss expectations on both ends and then a contract is signed if you and I both decide to go forward..... and hopefully there is a 'Happily Ever After'.


    I have to say here that there have been a few exceptions to this process.  I don't particularly like veering from the process but at times it's necessary.   I should also say that I may add little 'tasks or assignments' during the vetting process to see how well you listen and your sincerity in serving.  I've known some to get references... and I've often thought about doing this.... I may implement it in the future.


(I was asked if I was going to give details of My accident.... Tomorrow's blog will touch on it briefly)
       

A Note to you.

My wonderful readers,

          I want to take this time to thank you.  I can think of no greater honor than to know you are reading and enjoying My writings.  I enjoy writing.  Your continued visits and reading of My blog inspire Me.  
         
          I must apologize for not having had a new blog recently.  I was in an auto accident and not allowed to 'think excessively' due to a concussion.  It's alright, I'm fine and on the mend.  Regular daily blogs will resume tomorrow.  

          I wish you all a good day and I can't wait to resume our journey together... I've a plethora of new ideas!!

~ Miss Manda

Don't Talk, Simply Nod.

Stop.
Close your eyes.
Breathe in slowly through your nose.
Now exhale just as slow through your mouth.
Again.
Now I want you to open your eyes and look at Me.
Only Me.
I am the only thing that matters in this moment, the only one in existence beside yourself.
Do you understand?
Shhh, don't talk, simply nod.
That's it, that's good.

Now listen to My voice.
I'm the only One here.
Feel the control slipping from your grasp.
Let your skin tingle as it feels the vibrations of desire and hunger for you while I speak.
A million little never endings firing off  all along your body.
My voice is washing over them, brushing each one with an electricity to make you feel alive.
Even though you've not moved, I've not touched you... you feel Me don't you?
Does your skin tingle, your lips yearn, your mind swirl around the thought of Me?
Can you feel it?

Don't turn away, don't fight it, relax into it.... I won't hurt you beyond what you can manage.

Listen to My voice.
That's it, that's good.
The only One that matters.
I am kissing you, caressing you, enjoying your body and mind with nothing but My voice.
Does your skin tingle, your lips yearn, your mind swirl around the thought of Me?
Is your heart racing, your mouth watering, your arousal growing?
Can you feel Me?
Shhh, don't talk, simply nod.
That's it, that's good.

Art in it's Purest Form

Where do you begin with fine art?

First you start off with a perfect canvas.  The soft delicate and smooth skin of a woman is, in My opinion, the finest of canvas materials.  It comes in a variety of textures, weights, sizes, and weaves.  Every woman is different, every type of skin unique to her alone.  

With the material decided upon you must then choose a form.  The forms of women are even more vast than the materials.  Curves of every sort, shape, and size bring the skin to life.  From the ball of her foot,  then her heel, ankle, up her thigh, to the rounding of her bottom, of course her breasts, and  even her delicate shoulder blades curve in the most intoxicating and alluring way.  Some are voluptuous and some are more subtle but each curve gives a specific nuance to a woman's body that both begs and dares you to take notice in the same instant. 

Once the canvas is ready you must decide what type of color you will use.  Water color, oil based, acrylic, or pastels as well as what it is you're painting.  Oh the uniqueness of a woman's body only serves to draw us in more.  To pick out any one aspect of a woman and exalt it alone is quite easy.   She knows how to wield her body, how to speak to you without words.

Her hips that sway from side to side as she glides along, seemingly floating through space and time. They mesmerize even the most logical of thinkers.

Her soft  neck, as it curves and stretches waiting for your touch and kiss.

Her eyes, those eyes that captivate and hold you.  A woman quite often knows how to speak with simply her eyes.  In a crowded room where the noise drowns out any voice, her body language is stoic... her eyes can tell you an entire story.  

Her lips that part slightly when she smiles.  They may silence you with a kiss or keep you dreaming as she talks.  

Her long legs.  -soft sigh-  I love a woman's legs.  They are quite literally the collapse of My thinking prowess.  The way she crosses one leg lazily over the other and bends her knee or the way her calves get tight and curve so splendidly as she is walking in those heels.  Behind the knee, that soft sensitive flesh is My favorite place to kiss... and be kissed.  


Oh the ode to the purest form of art which is commonly called a woman's body could go on for days, weeks and years.  There aren't enough words in the writ language to fully grasp the divine nature of a woman.  I will end with what I find the most beautiful part of a woman.  Her mind.   A woman thinks in such a complex way.  She is like a spider and her mind a web where everything is connected to everything else.  One area of her life effects all others so to find the true root of a woman you must learn her entire world.  This to Me, is breathtakingly beautiful.  Her mind is the web, her eyes the twinkle that draw you to it... once she has you there you're helpless at her mercy.  How could anything be more beautiful than that? 

 

Q & A

So, I've had several people asking questions of Me personally.... Today I will post My blog as a sort of Q&A... All things Miss Manda.  

Q: How many subs do you have and how many do you want?
A:  Right now I have one.  My jonathan, My sweet.  I am poly so another male and a female are ideal.  I don't have to have any specific number however.  I am completely happy with who I have in My life. 

Q: Is your sub your fiance'?
A:  No, haha.  I don't know where anyone got this idea.  Though I do love My jonathan immensely he is not My fiance'.  

Q: Then who is your fiance', is he a sub as well?
A:  My fiance' is a wonderful man.  His name is Rob.  He's not into the lifestyle which is something I tease him about playfully because he does have submissive tendencies.  Keeping My fingers crossed that eventually he will come around but I love him enough to never push it. 

Q: Does he know about your lifestyle and subs?
A:  One thing you MUST know about Me is that I detest deceit.  I don't keep anything from Rob.  He knows exactly who I am and what I do.  He supports Me and My choices knowing he is secure and safe... I'm NOT running off with any submissive and he knows this without doubt.  

Q: Do you believe in Female Supremacy?
A:  Well, that's sort of a double edged sword for Me.  In no way am I one of these women who believe men are all scum of the earth and worthless... I enjoy men, they amuse Me more times than not.  I believe men and women both are superior in different ways.  I do tend to believe, however, that a woman can pretty much do anything a man can and do it with class, style, and sexy smile... making it so much better.  

Q: If a guy were to walk into the room, pin your hands to the wall, press up against you, and whisper seductively into your ear would you let him take you?
A: Hahahaha.... I can't get over this question.  NO.  He would get a swift knee to the berries, where then I would cup his twig and squeeze forcing him back away.... Then I'd tie his ass somewhere good so he couldn't escape, sit across from him and masturbate as he watched... send him home and not allow him to orgasm for a month.  But eh, that's just Me.  I don't at all appreciate topping from the bottom.  There's only one person in control when I'm around and that's Me. 

Q: What is your favorite kink?
A:  Well that's fairly easy to answer, the TPE.   Total Power Exchange.   There is something about the dynamic that just completely consumes Me. 

Q: Are you a size queen?
A:  Size doesn't play a huge role in My ability to be Me and to enjoy sex.  I've been with men who are a bit more than I could handle and with those who's digit was just that... a digit.  For Me, I don't need a penis to get pleasure.... To be quite honest I have had very few vaginal orgasms.  Most are clitoral for Me.  Don't need a penis to make that happen.  While I do think the penis is a beautiful thing, as stated in My blog about the male body... it's not all consuming.   The same can be said for a woman's breasts.  The bigger isn't always the better.  I can fully enjoy soft little perky tits as I can large in your face balloons.  And really, who doesn't enjoy boobs... they are boobs no matter what size.  

Q: Do you admit when you make a mistake or do you think you're above that?
A:  Ha, I know I'm not perfect.  I make mistakes just like everyone else.  Sometimes, the nature of being dominant, I don't see them.  I can be a bit selfish -gasp-... a dominant who is selfish... who'd of thought?  lol.    No, seriously.  I struggle with it at times.  Yes I like things MY way but I in no way want to harm those I love and care about just to have it My way.  I do, however, when they are pointed out to Me (in a respectful or helpful way) own up to them.   I get really annoyed when others make excuses and whine or complain when they've messed up so why would I do it Myself?    I've asked for forgiveness and understanding before.  Just as I am gracious with those around Me I hope they can be with Me.... we are all human after all.  It's just that I like to think I'm a Goddess in human form -playful wink- 

Q: If you could have any super power which would you want and why?
A:  Hehehe... using My own question against Me.  I love this question, it's why I use it all the time.. it's My fall back.  You can learn a lot about a person by what their superpower would be.  I have assessments of each answer but I can't tell them to you here, it would be defeating the purpose of the question if I did.    I can tell you for Me, hands down, it would be teleportation.   To travel in the blink of an eye anywhere your mind can picture.... would be the most amazing thing possible.  I could almost literally be in two places at once. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

         If you, yes you reader, have any questions you'd like answered or any topics you'd like Me to discuss or rant on please feel free to email Me at MistressAmandaCrystine@gmail.com.  

Term Tuesday (1)

Today, I'd like to go over some simple terms and acronyms often used in BDSM.

BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism

• Bondage and discipline play (B & D or B/D)
• Dominance and submission (D & S or D/s)
• Sadism and masochism (S & M or S/M)

24/7 - A relationship in which protocols are in place continuously

Aftercare - The time spent after a scene or play session where all parties will slowly begin to calm, perhaps talk about what happened during the session or scene, and slowly come back in touch with reality.  When endorphins are released as they are in a scene or session it can be quite a high and very intense.  Failure to handle aftercare properly can result in what's known as subdrop or Domdrop as the endorphins are again shifted back to a normal everyday level.

 TNG -  The Next Generation. A tag commonly used by groups and organizations which cater to younger people involved in BDSM, typically ages 18–35.

Figging - Inserting a piece of ginger or a hot chili pepper into the anus to produce a burning sensation.  
  
Scene -  Also known as a session.  This can be a public scene where the participants are at a party where others watch or a private scene where just the dominant and submissive are present.

Rimming - Tongue contact with the rectum or in layman's terms the asshole.

Subspace - A state of mind and body – often like a trance – caused by endorphins emitted during a scene.  ( I personally believe there is a Domspace as well with the same effect, however it's rarely talked about)

Pegging - is a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a mans anus with a strap-on dildo

  

Cunnilingus - Licking and sucking the cunt.

Subdrop -  A term for what is more accurately known as an “endorphin crash”.  Once the endorphins subside, one can end up feeling a bit down. However, they are not really down at all. It’s just that when such a heightened state of euphoria ends the normalcy feels depressing. That’s what is experienced in subdrop... the emergence of normality.  (Again, Domdrop is equal to this yet not nearly mentioned as subdrop) 

Is it in the way She walks?

I was asked this morning if there are telltale signs that a woman is dominant even if she doesn't yet realize it.  I've done some thinking, digging, asking those I know, and this is what I've come up with...

 A Dominant Woman's Characteristics....


She is competitive and enjoys her power. She can hold her own, even get a kick out of, being in a man's world and his equal.... She believes that a confident, intelligent, and mature man is not threatened by a powerful and highly successful woman.  I've seen this Myself, sadly it happens.  (haha.. competitiveness doesn't end in the workplace either...tell a man you play Call of Duty and then kick his pewny little ass at it... he shrivels and mopes about like a little boy)

She's aggressive when it comes to the pursuit of her own happiness and fulfillment.  She goes after what she wants in life, persistent and tenacious in all her endeavors.  Not giving up until she reaches her goals. She is very proactive in her life.

She is confident.  She possesses a self awareness and confidence that surpasses others. She is wildly and uninhibitedly feminine and sexy. To her, being feminine, beautiful, and sexy are not opposites to being independent, powerful, and liberated.   She can be and is all of them.  Some even can be 'cute'.

She possesses charisma, which she can use to charm others into getting her way and accomplishing her goals.   She's energetic and outgoing.  Happy and engaging.  She draws people in with ease and grace. She also knows how and when to move from charisma to using intimidation to achieve her ends.  

She's assertive, never being ashamed to ask for exactly what she wants.   She has a strong sense of mission.  She thrives on being in responsible positions and being in charge. Being responsible for others is equate to power for her. She is highly, if not prodigiously, intelligent. She also believes that she is more than highly capable of the task at hand.

She's nurturing. To her power means being a mentor and of help to others, cultivating, encouraging, and develop their potential in life.  (haha... is that why I have a heard of children?)

She is determined. She refuses to believe in the antiquated concept that one becomes less agile and more infirm with age. Age is just a number to her. Besides, it is such an artificial construct which means nothing in the scheme of things. She is the type of woman who often remains vital in her old age.

She does not believe in complaining and whining. She sees complaining and whining as abject passivity and refusal to improve the negative circumstances of one's life. She furthermore view complaining and whining as a sign of being a borderline psychotic. She figures that if one is mentally healthy and mature, they should remedy their life if it is less than positive or satisfying.  She will be annoyed and shun those who complain consistently about how terrible their life is yet do nothing to change it.  Life is action not a pity party.  The whole 'poor me' attitude is surely to get you on her bad side quite quickly.  She knows everyone has their level of hardships and will be understanding but she will not tolerate whining.  It's simply a waste of time and energy that she feels are precious.

She takes no half ass jobs and believes in no excuses. She believes if one makes their bed they should lie in it, either for good or bad. In other words, you reap what you sow.  She finds it totally reprehensible that so many people want success and other types of rewards in life but refuse to put in the necessary organization, planning, and sacrifices to obtain their goals. When they do not achieve their desired goals, they blame everyone and everything but themselves. This excuse making really incenses her to the gazillionth degree. Stop with the excuses already!!!  To her, people find it easier to make numerous excuses if their lives do not go the way they want than to look into the issues at hand.  This goes for when a mistake is made as well... don't give excuses simply own up and move on like an adult should.

These are characteristics that a Dominant Woman can possess.   However, simply because a woman shows signs of dominance doesn't mean she will make a good Dominant Woman to have a D/s relationship with.  There has to be a level of balance, of self awareness, self discipline, and self growth. A knack for excellent communication and leadership skills. I often say, If I cannot asses, direct, and control My own path I don't deserve to do it for another.    

Bottom line is that there are no 'tell tale' signs that a woman will make a good Dominant.  There are characteristics of a woman with dominance but even those aren't seen from across the room or even in a casual conversation often times.  It takes time to get to know a woman enough to know if she's a good Dominant and if she will fit your specific needs as a submissive.  

        (Thank you for the inspiration on today's blog topic bryan.  I know it's not what you had intended when you asked for My input but it was inspiration none the less)

The TEST...

In studying psychology, one of the aspects I most enjoy is the study of personality 

I've taken so many tests Myself... DiSC, The Big Five Inventory, the Jung Typology Test, and the Keirsey Temperament Sorter (KTS-ll) are among the few.  Just now I took the shortened version of the big 5 again.... I find the results to be quite spot on and entertaining.  It's also fun to watch how things change from year to year... as My personality changes so do the results of the tests.  

Why do psychologists bother with personality tests...

 Personality testing refers to techniques that are used to accurately and consistently measure a person's personality. They are used for assessing theories, looking at changes in personality over time, evaluating the effectiveness of therapy, diagnosing psychological problems, and even screening job candidates (ever apply for a job and have some situational question ie... if you're with a customer and x happens what would you do?... yup that's a personality test)

When we talk about ourselves and others, we frequently refer to different characteristics of a person's personality.  We asses people's personalities informally every day.  Psychologists do much the same thing when they assess personality, but on a much more systematic and scientific level.


I'm not saying that they are always right.  They have their weaknesses and flaws.  But then again psychology in a whole is more of an art than a science, at least in My belief.  
  




Today I'd like to look at the Big 5.  It's one of My favorites because it's not as lengthy. 

Decades of research on personality has uncovered five broad dimensions of personality, note on broad here.    While they don’t capture the idiosyncrasies of everyone’s personality, (the little nuances that make each individual unique) it is a theoretical framework in which to understand general components of our personality that seem to be the most important in our social and interpersonal interactions with others.  These so-called Big Five dimensions are called:

Extraversion

Extroversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extroverts enjoy being with people, are full of energy, and often experience positive emotions. They tend to be enthusiastic, action-oriented, individuals who are likely to say "Yes!" or "Let's go!" to opportunities for excitement. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves.On the opposite side of the spectrum we have Introverts.
Introverts lack the exuberance, energy, and activity levels of extroverts. They tend to be quiet, low-key, deliberate, and disengaged from the social world. Their lack of social involvement should not be interpreted as shyness or depression; the introvert simply needs less stimulation than an extrovert and prefers to be alone.


Agreeableness
Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others. They are therefore considerate, friendly, generous, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests with others'. Agreeable people also have an optimistic view of human nature. They believe people are basically honest, decent, and trustworthy.
Disagreeable individuals place self-interest above getting along with others. They are generally unconcerned with others' well-being, and therefore are unlikely to extend themselves for other people. Sometimes their skepticism about others' motives causes them to be suspicious, unfriendly, and uncooperative.
Agreeableness is obviously advantageous for attaining and maintaining popularity. Agreeable people are better liked than disagreeable people. On the other hand, agreeableness is not useful in situations that require tough or absolute objective decisions. Disagreeable people can make excellent scientists, critics, or soldiers.


Conscientiousness
Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses. Impulses are not inherently bad; occasionally time constraints require a snap decision, and acting on our first impulse can be an effective response. Also, in times of play rather than work, acting spontaneously and impulsively can be fun. Impulsive individuals can be seen by others as colorful, fun-to-be-with, and zany. Conscientiousness includes the factor known as Need for Achievement (NAch).
The benefits of high conscientiousness are obvious. Conscientious individuals avoid trouble and achieve high levels of success through purposeful planning and persistence. They are also positively regarded by others as intelligent and reliable. On the negative side, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. Furthermore, extremely conscientious individuals might be regarded as stuffy and boring. Unconscientious people may be criticized for their unreliability, lack of ambition, and failure to stay within the lines, but they will experience many short-lived pleasures and they will never be called stuffy.

Neuroticism
Neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in Neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.
At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in Neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extroversion domain.

Openness to Experience
Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative, creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people. Open people are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. They tend to be, compared to closed people, more aware of their feelings. They tend to think and act in individualistic and nonconforming ways. People with low scores on openness to experience tend to have narrow, common interests. They prefer the plain, straightforward, and obvious over the complex, ambiguous, and subtle. They may regard the arts and sciences with suspicion, regarding these endeavors as abstruse or of no practical use. Closed people prefer familiarity over novelty; they are conservative and resistant to change.
Openness is often presented as healthier or more mature by psychologists, who are often themselves open to experience. However, open and closed styles of thinking are useful in different environments. The intellectual style of the open person may serve a professor well, but research has shown that closed thinking is related to superior job performance in police work, sales, and a number of service occupations.

Now, Myself... I scored high in Agreeableness and Openness.  Extremely high in Extroversion and Conscientiousness.  Extremely low in Neuroticism.

   What does this say about Me.... well, it reads like a description of Me at My core.... I'm an open minded explorer of life who is organized, detailed, and creative.  A very social person who tends to be friendly and genuine with others. Who truly enjoys being around other people, the attention I get from them, and the positive energy associated with it. And who doesn't mind too much the rejection in life that's inevitable handling life's stresses with a fair amount of ease and durability.  

Not that I'm ALWAYS sociable, calm, happy, or positive.... but in general I think I am.  


If you'd like to take the mini test you can do so here... http://psychcentral.com/personality-test/start.php

(description of the 5 dimensions courtesy of sevencounties.org)

Knock Knock

I love jokes.. random, funny, quirky, corny, dirty, and off color... it goes hand in hand with loving to laugh.   I've had a good friend... thank you 'boy', who's been wonderful enough to supply Me with many jokes over the last few days.  I've laughed quite hard at some of them.  My kids are often springing riddles and jokes on Me.. I think they like to try to stump mom and they love to hear My snort... They know too, to butter Me up with laughter before asking a question... yes they think they play Me well but I see what they do.  Lol.

Anyway.. for your pleasure... well truly for Mine as I get to chuckle as I write them today.  A composite of some good humorous jokes.  Well, that I find funny anyway.  

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings,

 "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

Why did the dick go to the 7-11?

To get a slurpee

Why can't the blonde dial 911?

She can't find the 11.

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke.

 He asks the other guy if he has a lighter.

 He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter,

 Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"

 The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." 

The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " 

Sure says the other man 

"Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" 

"Ok I will" says the other.

 As he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants.

 The man says " I want a Million Bucks " 

The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle.

10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head.

The guy says to the other "Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he?" 

The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?"

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

 "If we don't get some support here people are going to think we are nuts.''

John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,

"Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It"s been flickering for weeks now". 

He looks at her and says angrily, 

"Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don"t think so".

 Fine, then the wife asks, "Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won"t close right " 

To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Kenmore written on my forehead? I don"t think so". 

 "Fine", she says "then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break " "I"m not a carpenter and I don"t want to fix steps". He says, "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don"t think so.

 I've had enough of you. I"m going to the bar!" 

 So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home As he walks into the house, he notices that the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey", he asks, "How did all this get fixed?" 

She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried." Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either give him a titty fuck or bake a cake". 

 He said, "So what kind of cake did you bake?" 

She replied, "Hellooooo.. Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead? I don"t think so!"

By any other name...

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. 
O, be some other name!
What's in a name? 
that which we call a rose
  By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

Ahhh Shakespeare.  While all the other kids dreaded learning the poet and playwright's works I loved it.  But then I do love the romantic style and flow of good classic works of art as his.  Back when romance was romance.... but that's a blog topic for another day.  Today I want to focus on names.  They are so very important and have such significant meaning.  There are few times I meet people who aren't exactly what their name implies. 

When I say a name you get an image in your mind.... of someone, something specific.  Let's try it.... I will post a few names.  I bet something completely different pops into your mind for each one.

Eve       Candy       Maximus       Peter       Angel       Sophie       Nicholas

Well?  Did you think of something specific for each name?  An image of a specific person or type of person?  Names not only identify us they mark us.  I've always been fascinated with names and their meanings.  Not always does someones actual name meaning line up with their personality but most times they do.  Some names don't even have significant meaning... those names I like to make up My own meaning for...   I'm going to go through a list of some those people who I treasure and we will see if their name matches up with their personalities... Come along with Me, maybe you'll find your name there.   (to save from personal pointing I'm only using first and middle names)

Robert Michael:  Both German and Hebrew together they mean famed bright conqueror.    This is definitely him.... he's not afraid of anything and is such a joy that he becomes quite easily the bright star anywhere we go.

Brenda Lee:  Irish and Celtic together they mean the healing beacon on the hill.  With her unconditional and deep devoted love, her honesty and humility, this does not surprise Me at all... she completely lives up to this.  I've seen her first hand heal those who seem drawn to her.

Jonathan Alexander:  Hebrew and Greek together they mean gift of god defender of men.  Well, perhaps I'm biased but I completely agree.  He's My gift... My sweet treasure.  The shy, quirky, gentle man who without hesitation can quickly, in the blink of an eye or trip to the bat cave, can become a hero.

For My own name.... Well I'll post the meanings and you can make your own conclusions.  

Amanda: Latin meaning worthy of love        Crystine:  Latin meaning Messiah

A Laugh and a Cum.

I love to laugh.  There's something freeing about a good long hard laugh.  You know, the kind of laugh that makes you shed tears, leaves your cheeks hurting, and produces those snorting noises. (Yes I snort when I laugh fairly hard).   As much as I love laughter the one thing I've come to realize in My life is that no one can make Me laugh.  Things are funny and people are absolutely hilarious but laughter isn't given to someone it comes from within.  

I can hear the same joke for six days in a row... I might laugh all six days, just the first time, or a combination of any number of days without the others... it's not a given that I will be in the mood to laugh or that the same thing will make Me laugh again.  As an example.  There is a joke from a famous movie that goes like this:

Three tomatoes are walking down the street - a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato.
Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him... and says, "Catch up."

I laugh nearly every time I hear this joke... I don't know why.  It's corny and cute.  However, there's no guarantee that I will laugh... it has to come from in Myself to laugh.  (Brownie points if you know what movie the joke comes from).

Just like laughter has to come from within so does an orgasm.  No one else can 'make' Me orgasm.  On any given day one can do all the right things, make all the right moves, touch all the sweet spots and nothing will happen.  Nothing.  I have to be open to the orgasm... everything within Me has to be right, set up, and ready for such an experience.  

Then there are times where laughter is spontaneous. I'll be going through life, mundane as it may be, and something so very simple and seemingly bland will throw Me into a fit of laughter.  Why?  Because My body needs the release, it's craved an outlet long enough and BAM it's out...  Orgasms can be like this as well.  With the slightest touch, the softest look, the quietest whisper.... My body is on the verge of bliss. 

Laughter is psychological.  What makes you laugh might not make Me laugh.  What makes Me laugh once might not make Me laugh the same way the next time.   Orgasms are very much the same way.  What brings Me to climax might not be what will bring you to climax.  What works once might not work quite the same way the next time.  

I love a good laugh and I love a good cum....

Six Sayings Sunday (1)

When it rains it pours.

What about a sprinkle? A mist? A drizzle? When it rains it doesn't always pour. 

Shit happens!

Yes, I actually think there's a kids book written about it. Everyone Poops.  

Just because you want it doesn't mean you need it.

Well maybe for you but when I want something it becomes a need. It's not that I want it all I just need everything I want.

 Just because you could doesn't mean you should.

This one might be true but I will anyway if I really have a notion to.

You smelled it you dealt it.

I agree, enough said.

Burst your bubble

I live in a world full of reality and harsh realism but there are times where I quite enjoy living in My little bubble fantasy land.  Like the good witch Glenda in the Wizard of Oz.... don't burst My bubble.  If I'm in it it's because I choose to be.  You burst it and I'll put a curse on you to make your legs shrivel up under the house that will land on you.

(The first six of our ongoing Six Saying Sunday's saying are provided by My wonderful children... thank you girls for your help  today.    If you readers have any sayings you want Me to weigh in on don't hesitate to send them to Me... I will credit you with them if you'd like)

Chapter One page 2

      'No Mom... No'  Allora begged her mother.  Her small eight year old frame was weak and shaking.  Her body almost numb entirely at the thought of what her mother was ordering.  Desperately she looked around for an escape knowing there was none but something within compelled her to look away.  Perhaps she was begging a silent god somewhere in the universe to make a way of escape, maybe she was looking to see if some super hero had come through the door, some knight in shining armor like those in the stories she read.  

     Her mothers bone chilling grip on her arm tightened and Allora's body quivered and shook.  ''Look at me you damn girl. I told you I have a headache... it MUST be done, I've promised it... so you will do it for me.''  Allora's electric blue eyes looked up at her mother, pleading once more on her behalf.  
     
    "You love mommy right?  Then it's no big deal, just do it and get it over with... I'll be there to help I just have a headache, you know how bad my headaches get.  I owe him Allora and you owe me.''  Allora could feel her body moving as her mother dragged her into the living room. She understood by now that attempting to not do as told would result in things so much worse.  There was no escape, no god to save her, no hero to carry her away, no knight to slay her dragon and rescue her.  There was only this.  The life she'd been given and the task she must now accomplish for her mother.

        As the darkened hallway disappeared behind her and the dimly lit living-room came into focus she could see him sitting on the sofa, naked, waiting. She shivered violently a moment. Suddenly an  overpowering cloud of cigarette smoke, weed, and alcohol wafted into her nose, making her gag for a moment.  Waking her from her zombified state for a moment she struggled, tried to loosen the grip her mother had on her enough to slip away and run... she didn't know where or much care she just had to run.
        ''Allora, stop acting insolent child. You've done it before. This time it won't be with a little sixteen year old prick though... you'll have a real man.  You want to be a 'woman' so bad.. now is your chance.  Do what women do and suck it up.. literally.''  The laugh that followed her mothers cold words startled her and she fought even harder. She didn't want to be a woman, she just wanted to play barbies like her friends, go fishing with her uncles, she just wanted to go back to bed.  
         How did her skinny wasted mother have so much strength?  Was she really this weak herself that she couldn't get free? She could hear herself crying and trying to scream but she couldn't escape.  ''If you don't do it I'll go wake your brother, do you want that? Do you want him doing what a woman should?''  Allora stopped suddenly in her efforts, a crushing blow.  Her mother knew she would never allow her brother to be harmed.  She'd done everything she could for four five years since his birth to be sure he was never harmed in any way.  Taking the full front of her mothers rage along with her mother's 'suitors' rage.  Her little Daniel was still very much a sweet innocent boy and she wanted it keep it that way.  He would not harbor the hurt and bitterness that she herself did already at her young tender age.  
   ''NO... alright alright...''  Her tears threatened to fall but she held them back, refusing to allow her mother to see the pain and anguish.  Allora's mother walked her over to the coffee table in front of the sofa and sat her there, directly in front of the naked man.  As her mother talked, giving her instructions Allora's thin frail body began to shake yet again.  She knew she had no escape.  She knew death would come in this moment like it had once before over a year ago. She longed for the real death to come but knew that the death to befall upon her would be much worse... and she'd never be able to escape it.