Knock Knock

I love jokes.. random, funny, quirky, corny, dirty, and off color... it goes hand in hand with loving to laugh.   I've had a good friend... thank you 'boy', who's been wonderful enough to supply Me with many jokes over the last few days.  I've laughed quite hard at some of them.  My kids are often springing riddles and jokes on Me.. I think they like to try to stump mom and they love to hear My snort... They know too, to butter Me up with laughter before asking a question... yes they think they play Me well but I see what they do.  Lol.

Anyway.. for your pleasure... well truly for Mine as I get to chuckle as I write them today.  A composite of some good humorous jokes.  Well, that I find funny anyway.  

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings,

 "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

Why did the dick go to the 7-11?

To get a slurpee

Why can't the blonde dial 911?

She can't find the 11.

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke.

 He asks the other guy if he has a lighter.

 He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter,

 Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"

 The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." 

The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " 

Sure says the other man 

"Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" 

"Ok I will" says the other.

 As he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants.

 The man says " I want a Million Bucks " 

The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle.

10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head.

The guy says to the other "Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he?" 

The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?"

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

 "If we don't get some support here people are going to think we are nuts.''

John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,

"Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It"s been flickering for weeks now". 

He looks at her and says angrily, 

"Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don"t think so".

 Fine, then the wife asks, "Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won"t close right " 

To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Kenmore written on my forehead? I don"t think so". 

 "Fine", she says "then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break " "I"m not a carpenter and I don"t want to fix steps". He says, "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don"t think so.

 I've had enough of you. I"m going to the bar!" 

 So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home As he walks into the house, he notices that the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey", he asks, "How did all this get fixed?" 

She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried." Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either give him a titty fuck or bake a cake". 

 He said, "So what kind of cake did you bake?" 

She replied, "Hellooooo.. Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead? I don"t think so!"