OCD and Me

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts and repetitive, ritualized behaviors you feel compelled to perform. If you have OCD, you probably recognize that your obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors are irrational – but even so, you feel unable to resist them and break free. 

Like a needle getting stuck on an old record, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) causes the brain to get stuck on a particular thought or urge. (let Me just add... that there is no better sound than vinyl) For example, you may check the locks on your door twenty times to be sure it's actually locked, wash your hands until they’re scrubbed raw, or color code everything in your house. 


Obsessions are involuntary, seemingly uncontrollable thoughts, images, or impulses that occur over and over again in your mind. You don’t want to have these ideas but you can’t stop them. Unfortunately, these obsessive thoughts are often disturbing and distracting.

Compulsions are behaviors or rituals that you feel driven to act out again and again. Usually, compulsions are performed in an attempt to make obsessions go away. For example, if you’re afraid of contamination, you might develop elaborate cleaning rituals. However, the relief never lasts. In fact, the obsessive thoughts usually come back stronger. And the compulsive behaviors often end up causing anxiety themselves as they become more demanding and time-consuming.


I have a very mild case of OCD.  Nothing that most will notice, unless yo're paying attention to what I am doing.  I do try, most times, to hide it, especially in public or when I'm with someone I'm just meeting for the first time.  But if you look closely, if you watch... these are some things you'll see Me do... 

When eating, I start with one dish and work My way around... Say I go out to eat and order mashed potatoes, steak, asparagus, and a salad.  I will eat one side until it's completely gone before starting another.... I'll eat the salad, then the asparagus (so it doesn't get cold), the potatoes, then the steak.  I do try to eat normally but it takes much concentration.... so if we are ever eating together and I seem to be a bit distant... it's probably because I'm concentrating on not looking like a weirdo. lol.

When eating skittles or starburst (My favorite candies besides dark chocolate)  I either eat ALL of one color first... or do a pattern red, yellow, orange, pink, red yellow, orange, pink.  It all depends on My mood and what's going on... but heaven forbid If someone (say a child) steals a starburst and the pattern is off... I won't finish them. I just cant.

When cleaning, everything has a proper place.  I cannot handle clutter.  -shudders-  I don't hoard, in fact I throw things away My family doesn't think I should.  I just can't stand having 'stuff' everywhere.  The true test of My OCD was when I had a live in slave who liked to clean to serve.  I would allow her to do certain things (ie dishes that I HATE) but even in that she had to do them a specific way... The glasses always get washed first, then the cups and mugs.... Plates, silverware, bowls, large dishes, and pots and pans last... with the water being changed at least once depending on how many dishes there are to be washed.  I had a dishwasher too... just didn't trust it to get them clean.  The same with clothes.... whites first, then light colors (tans yellows etc), reds, blues, blacks (dark).   The rest of the house.. top to bottom... Always have to clean the highest point and work My way down in a room... floors are ALWAYS last. 

Symmetry.  I like things to have symmetry.  If you ever come to My house you'll notice nothing NOTHING is done in three's.... even though interior designers will say that's the most pleasing to the eye... nope not for Me.  If I have one picture, another has to be symmetrical to it... there is no third, it just throws things off and I get a headache.  And goodness, if something is a bit lopsided, I will spend hours, I do mean hours, fixing it if necessary.   I once put these wall stickers up...I spent three days arranging and rearranging them to get them perfect.  I had four friends over sitting on the sofa quite literally laughing at My expense... and being very helpful while doing it 'oh one's just a tad higher still Amanda'.  Lol.  Even in public, if I'm in a place that has something tilted wrong I will nonchalantly as possible walk by and fix it... -rolls eyes-  I'm just weird ole wonderful Me.

Anywhoo, this is a slight glimpse into what it's like having OCD.  A mild form of it anyway.  .