Not an Angel

There is a song, I heard recently that seems to fit My mood lately. I thought in today's blog I would share it with you.  The lyrics read like this...

You made a mistakeOn the day that you met me and lost your wayYou saw all the signsBut you let it goYou closed your eyesI should've told you to leaveCause I knew all the time you couldn't handle meBut you're hard to resistWhen you're on your knees begging me[CHORUS]I tear you downI make you bleed eternallyCan't help myselfFrom hurting you and it's hurting meI don't have wings so flying with me won't be easyCause I'm not an angel, I'm not an angelI hate being that wallThat you hit when you feel like you gave it allI keep taking the blameWhen we both know that I'll never change[CHORUS]I wasn't always this wayI used to be the one with the haloBut that disappeared when I had my first taste and fell from graceIt left me in this placeNow I'm starting to think maybe you like it[CHORUS]I'm not an angel

As I have been finding My sadistic side this song tends to resonate well.... I see Myself becoming more and more so.  I've never been an angel but as this new part of Myself emerges it's taken Me deeper into the beautiful darkness of desire that I enjoy so amazingly.

My brenda has been enjoying the dark descent into these dark waters... I have as well.  To describe it, not like I haven't just done so twice but yeah.  It's very much as if I've begun to shed a layer of heavy coat covering wings that were there all along.  They were simply hiding under the cloak of personal denial.  As the cloak slips off the beautiful dark wings stretch and flutter.... I'm enjoying the highs they are just beginning to take Me to.  

Thank you My beautiful love, for trusting Me enough to allow Me to put you through some pain for loves sake.   I cannot express enough how honored and proud I am to be your Mistress.  

Here is the video if anyone would like to hear the song.

The Moments.

Life is made up of moments.  Fleeting pieces of time that capture you where you are.   Think about it.  We don't remember an entire year, a week or even a day.  When we look back we see little moments strung together to create our lives.  Quite a bit like a mosaic.  Little colorful squares put together in an odd array that make up a larger more beautiful picture.  

A smile when My heart is weary.  The sound of laughter from My children in the next room. That second your heart falls when you hear glass shatter somewhere in the house.  A well placed hug when I'm cold and shivering. The frustration as I try to breathe without pain or stuffy coughing.  The comfort of a soft (teal) blanket wrapped around Me when I've fallen asleep on the couch. A listening ear when I've a story to tell.  The smell of Mema's fresh baked bread as I walk into her house. The fun of flying Christmas wrap after the presents have been opened (yes we have Christmas wrap wars at My house).   The look of love when I utter the words 'I love you'. 

  These are but a few of My moments the last few weeks. I've learned to treasure these moments.  Each grand in it's own right, even those seemingly small.  Life is pain, it's pleasure, sadness and grief, yet it's light and love as well as warmth.  I don't live a grand flair filled life but I enjoy the life I have.  

   Thank you, My readers and friends, for allowing Me to relive these moments along with so many many more this past year with you.  Thank you also, for understanding and patiently waiting for Me to return to you.  I look forward to numerous more moments with you in 2015. 

Wish Lists and Cheap Thrills

About a month ago I was asked, by a guy who I'd chatted with casually, if I had an amazon wishlist and if I'd allow him the pleasure of seeing it and perhaps gifting Me one of the items listed.  

I'm not naive' by any means, I've seen the profiles that ask for 'tribute' and I've had plenty of wankers wanting fodder material if they 'tributed' Me.   Even those who email or message asking if I will take control of their computer and 'take' money from their account.... While I understand I suppose, why they get their 'kink' out of it... it's never been something I have even given a second thought to.

I AM a Domme, a female dominant, a Mistress..... it's not 'what I do but who I am.  Just like having blue eyes, long legs, and a propensity to snort if I laugh hard.   For Me to put up a 'wishlist', ask for tribute, or even accept a tribute is lessening who I am.... therefore making Me some cheap thrill.  

I purposely don't take nude photos and post them.  I don't tell other's 'what I would do to them'.  I don't go into lengthy explanations of what I like and want unless we are actually talking about you being Mine.  This is calculated.  I don't like to give fodder material for wankers.  I'm not some idiots 'jack off Mistress'.  I'm not a peepshow.  

On a side note, the word tribute itself just gives Me the heebie jeebies...  when I think of a tribute what comes to mind is some Clash of The Titans type human sacrifice where some young pretty woman is tied, against her will, for a large beat to devour her..... I'd hate to be referred to as a monster of any sort.

It's not that I don't have a wishlist, I do.  It's been an ongoing list for quite a few years. I buy from it when I can.  Amazon is My favorite place to shop.  It's simply not My style to post it publicly for complete strangers to send things.   And no it's not because I'm shy.... if you've not gathered that I'm pretty damn open yet you've obviously not truly read what I have written.   

Bottom line, if someone wants to do something to thank Me for being Myself a simple email or message works wonders for the ego -winks-   If we are close and you want to buy a gift for a holiday I'm all for it, I like to receive as well as give just like the rest of you.  But I don't require payment of any sort simply to be friends with you, be who I am, or do what I do.

The Great Gatsby says Goodbye :(

Sometimes in life we are blessed with tragedy and loss just to remind us how fragile it can be. 

 If you've read My blog at all you'll remember My dear sweet Gatsby.  A tiny helpless kitten I found one night meowing under our porch.  He was scared, hungry, dirty, and needed a whole lot of love.  A little wisp of a thing that within just a few hours had My heart tucked in his soft broken little meow and filthy paws.  His purr was louder than life and he loved to snuggle up on My chest.  

I fell in love with that kitten over and over again.  Each time he'd run around playing with Alex (they were so cute playing tag together), greet Me at the door when I returned home with a rub against My legs, and every purr as I lovingly scratched his chin while I drifted off to sleep.  

He became such an integral part of our every day lives.  

Sadly our Gatsby passed away last night.  We knew it was coming.... you see, we found out he had feline leukemia, a cancer that cats can get.  He's not lived long, much less than expected, but he's lived well.  He's been loved and given us love in return.   

Towards the end, this last week, he was unable to move much.... we set him up a nice bed in the quiet room and we'd all take turns going in to quietly stroke his fur and talk to him.  His purr never stopped, even when his little legs did.  

Gatsby, your beautiful eyes, amazing purr, and soft cuddles will never be forgotten.  Rest in peace My little blessing.  Thank you for being Alex's first four legged playmate, you were truly a great one.  Thank you for filling My heart with joy and love in those lonely nights as you cuddled Me, somehow knowing I was alone and needed them.  I will miss those cuddles as well as the games we played running through the house and hiding from each other...  you were more human than cat.  

 Goodbye My dear four legged friend.

The Lessons Not Easily Learned

    I don't talk or write about My experiences as a submissive often.  Truth be told it was one of the most difficult times in My life because I had to pretend to be someone I was not.  I was not the best of submissives (I'd never Own myself as a submissive... EVER).  Haha.  That being said, however, I'm truly glad that I learned lessons as a submissive before becoming a Dominant.  

   When I first got into BDSM, officially anyway, a wonderful lady from Chicago trained Me.   I was 18.  She was beautiful, intelligent, demanding, and loving. Everywhere she went and in everything she did there was an aura of superiority.  Not in a 'I'm better than you' type of way but a magical mystical way.... I'll admire and adore her till the day I die.  She agreed ttrain Me as a Dominant but said I must learn as a submissive first.  A CEO never starts out as a CEO but in the mail room sort of philosophy.  I adhere to this same philosophy Myself actually so it was only natural that I'd agree.  I had No frigging clue what I was agreeing to at the time though.  

   Almost seven months of training as a submissive.  We'd meet, meaning I'd travel to her, no less than three times a month for three days.  A very specific amount of time was set so I traveled as often as I could  to speed it along. 
   
   In that time I learned the basics before anything else.  What BDSM was, how and where it originated from, the philosophies and protocols of the beautiful community.   I also underwent several (and I say way way too many) scenes where I was the bottom.   I'm not big on pain so thankfully she didn't push that limit too hard but I did undergo most things any sub would.  I was spanked (with many different implements), bound, gagged, teased, humiliated (to a certain degree), tortured with things like nipple clamps and pussy weights (Not at all fun for Me), and given menial tasks to perform to show My submission was not because I wanted something but to serve her..... One time I had to go to the pharmacy and as the pharmacist about foul vaginal odor and ask him what to do and another I simply had to take a picture of My favorite flower blooming in spring.  Tasks were like that.  
   
    While I didn't like bending to the will of another person, especially when it came to pushing My limits beyond what I thought they were, the lessons learned were invaluable and I'm grateful for them.  I could not be the loving, understanding, and strict Dominant I am today without knowing what and how a submissive thinks or feels in a situation.  I've first hand experienced the love, care, guidance, and sternness of a well educated and simply wonderful Dominant.  I've also experienced the pain of displeasing and disappointing her. 
   
     The lessons were not easily learned but they were worth it.  Many of them have been talked about already in this blog.  A child learns it's most valuable lessons in the first six years of life.  I think the same can be said for those who are starting out in BDSM... the most valuable lessons, for Me anyway, were learned those first six to seven months.  

     Thank you Miss Clara, for being My mentor and teacher....for guiding Me in the first baby steps of My journey to finding the center of who I am and following that path.  As always, with head held high and a knowing smile upon My lips.  

Why I blog

Male Submissives and Vlog

  So after I edited it and uploaded it I find that something went wrong and it didn't save properly.  So you My darlings get a bit of a blooper in the beginning ;)

Take Me to the Church

I heard a song yesterday while driving that so completely turned Me on it's not even funny. Seriously.  The lyrics go something like this...

My lover's got humour
She's the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval
I should've worshiped her sooner
If the heavens ever did speak
She's the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday's getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week
'We were born sick,' you heard them say it
My Church offers no absolutes.
She tells me, 'Worship in the bedroom.'
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you—
I was born sick,
But I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
[Chorus 2x:]
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
If I'm a pagan of the good times
My lover's the sunlight
To keep the Goddess on my side
She demands a sacrifice
Drain the whole sea
Get something shiny
Something meaty for the main course
That's a fine looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We've a lot of starving faithful
That looks tasty
That looks plenty
This is hungry work
[Chorus 2x:]
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me my deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
No Masters or Kings
When the Ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin
In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am Human
Only then I am Clean
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
[Chorus 2x:]
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life 

Now instead of Me rambling on to tell you why this song gave Me a lady boner... I'd like to know why YOU all think it did?  Who knows Me well enough yet to understand the elements of the song that drove Me quite instantly to an erotic state of mind??

Here's the song if you'd like to listen to it

 

Don't Tell Me...Show Me

 

 No truer words have ever resonated with Me quite as much as these do... 

Words, words, words, I'm so sick of words.
I hear words all day through first from him, now from you.
Is that all you blighters can do!

Don't talk of stars burning above, if you're in love, show me.
Tell me no dreams filled with desire, if you're on fire, show me.
Here we are together in the middle of the night, don't talk of spring just hold me tight.
Anyone who's ever been in love'll tell you that this is no time for a chat.
Haven't your lips longed for my touch, don't say how much, show me, show me.

Don't talk of love lasting through time, make me no undying vow! Show me now!

Sing me no song, read me no rhyme, don't waste my time, show me.
Don't talk of June, don't talk of fall, don't talk at all, show me.
Never do I ever want to here another word, there isn't one I haven't heard
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream, say one more word and I'll scream!
Haven't your arms hungered for mine, please don't explain, show me, show me.

Don't wait until wrinkles and lines pop up all over my brow! Show me now!

 

   Promises of devotion, platitudes of service, titillating passages spouting rhyme or reason to make Me think you're deserving of My time.... while they all serve to amuse and delight Me they fade away with no depth or breadth when your actions don't show that they are true and steadfast.  

   Words I've heard before, again and again, from this one and that but they never pan out, they never ring true.  Words inspire life and love but without air breathed into them they always seem to fall rather flat.

     Don't tell Me of your undying need, don't promise Me your unyielding faithfulness.  Don't flatter Me with sonnets or songs.  Don't use words unless they have meaning.

Don't Tell Me ... Show Me

 

 

And now... The Big News you've been waiting for!!!

 

 

Curled Up

   On days like today it's not at all surprising to find Me curled up somewhere in fetal position with a blanket tucked around Me.   I've a relatively high pain tolerance so when you do find Me this way you know the pain is completely wracking My body.  There's very little I can do for it (trust Me I've tried).  The silver lining is that I know at most it will last but a day or two then ebb down again into something tolerable.  
  So for today please send your positive well wishes, prayers, good vibes... whatever it is you do, this way.  I could use it and greatly appreciate it.  I'm not up for much chit chat as My brain tends to not work well when the pain is so great but I'll reply to messages and such as soon as I'm able to again.  Thank you for understanding and for being the beautiful people you are.

Miss Manda

The Tease

Squatting to become eye level with her as she kneels before Me, I look her directly in the eye knowing this unnerves her in so many different ways all at once.  The shiver that runs through her beautiful body doesn't escape Me and a soft smirk plays at My lips.  
   'Awe, do you get tingles knowing I'm so damn close yet you cannot touch Me?  Or is it perhaps that you know I'm about to touch you and there's nothing you can do to stop Me?  Both maybe?''  Teasingly said as I hold her gaze daring her to even blink.
She nods slightly and I begin to rise again with a chuckle. Walking around her naked form the sound of My heels lightly tapping the wooden floor beneath Me I look over her again.  Her delicate pale skin alluring in the rather dim dungeon of our basement.  her hair meticulously pulled back by Myself earlier, into a high pony to grab easily.  Her eyes again averted to the floor as she knows I'm enjoying the view I have.  Even with her eyes averted I can see the beauty they hold, the love that shines, as well as the devotion they offer and I smile.  
    'My brenda, you've really outdone yourself lately... I'm feeling quite proud of you.  I'm always proud of you, but lately even more so.  I see the effort you've been giving in making yourself even more accessible to Me whenever and however I should call for it'  A slight tap to her left thigh with the teal tipped leather crop that always fits so perfectly into My hands makes sure she's listening to what I'm saying and not allowing her thoughts to drift off elsewhere.  'I don't think we should get too comfortable with our progress though.... and when I say we I mean you dear.... so let's push you a bit see how far brenda can bend.'  Another swift tap with the crop to her round ass
 'Come on... up and lean over this stool.  Grab the legs of it on the other side. As far over as you can while I get a few toys..'  leaving her to do as instructed I walk the few steps over to the toy bench and begin deciding what to play with.  I pick up the suede flogger, the leather long paddle, and of course My favorite glass dildo with teal accents.  Holding them up for her to see one by one with the evil yet playful grin she's come to expect from Me.  'I was wondering which to use but I think all three will be fun today'.

 

 

Something new is coming... Something big is happening.  I will explain in tomorrow's blog so stay tuned!!!

Altruism

Is altruism possible?
 
So, I have this amazing friend who read My blog from yesterday and asked if I thought altruism was possible.  What is altruism you ask?  I'll summarize it in his own words, ''A lack of selfishness.  The desire to help someone selflessly with no benefit to oneself.''  It made Me think for a moment and you all know how I love when people ask questions that make Me think. 

This came about because I mentioned that when I give others compliments I get something out of it... in truth My selfless act of making someone smile truly isn't selfless at all.  I am rewarded within Myself, a sort of gratification comes from it.  I do believe this is the reason for a majority of why people are generous to begin with.  It's even built into our economic system.... if you give this you get that (tax write off)... 

In saying that however, I do absolutely believe in altruism is very much possible and practiced.  I've studied a bit on the topic and have seen some amazing people go out of their way to do things for others where they would have no benefit themselves.   The stranger who rushes into a burning building to save someone doesn't have time to think about the rewards, even internally, they simply do.  The toddler who in an almost reflexive desire to help when they see the need.  The offering of a submissive to do something they don't enjoy or get any gratification from simply to please the one they serve.  These are small examples.  

When My middle daughter was a toddler I became quite ill.... a series of migraines that lasted for six months straight.  They were debilitating and no one could find out what was causing them. I spent most of that six months on the couch curled in a ball.   When loved ones weren't there to help she would take care of her older sister without question, bring Me blankets and pillows, and tuck Me in.  She even a few times sat and played softly with My hair as she hummed.  I didn't ask, instruct, or even show her how to do such things.  It was natural for her. 

Again, this is simply My opinion on what I've studied.  I must say that psychology is more an art than a science so there are a varied array of ideas on the topic and everyone will say that their idea is the correct one.   We are talking about the human mind... it's so complex that it cannot be an exact science.   But then, isn't that what makes us amazing?  I believe so yes.

So Jonathan, My dark sweet morsel of divine decadence....  I know you disagree with Me on this matter.  I've come to simply be amazed with you and the workings of your mind the last few days so I won't let the fact you do disagree taint those rose colored glasses I see you through.  So pass Me the white glove, put on your black floods, and let's dance to 'BAD' together -winks and giggles-

No Way, Am I Really?

 I recently had someone call Me a flirt... answered, "No way, am I really?  I had no idea.  How terrible of Me''. Then laughed My ass off quite literally... lost a whopping 15 pounds (is that a decent amount for an ass to weigh I wonder?). 

 

Why do I flirt?

 

I was born knowing how to flirt.  Flirting gives Me energy. It has a certain lift. It’s in My DNA. I flirt with babies, with puppies, with My girlfriends, and with strangers.

Flirtation is My access to the life force. It is a simple, fun way to be at My most powerful, to have My way with people, and to achieve the most fulfilling, enjoyable, spontaneous life possible. Why wouldn't I flirt?

When I flirt...

 I can turn any no into a yes.

 I can beguile the entire world with My enthusiasm.

 I am in a state of My highest glory.

 I look beautiful.

 I'm always having fun. 

 I feel powerful.

 I sense what is right for Myself and others.

 I trusts My instincts.

 I demand the best from Myself and others, knowing that gratification is not only possible, it is My birthright.  

So now that you know why I flirt... you might be asking well then what is flirting?

 

I define flirtation  as “enjoying Myself in the presence of others.” 

Flirting is not looking for a sexual relationship or a way to attract men and women. It's not like in some old movie where a woman bats her eyelashes and fawns over a guy, telling him all the things she thinks he wants to hear, leading towards some kind of sexual outcome. I don't have much use for people who only tell others what they think that person wants to hear. It's fake. 

Flirting is not all about the other person and making them feel good with no regard for how I feel.

flirtation is all about enjoying  Myself, uplifting someone else is a wonderful by-product of My flirt not the main goal.

Flirting removes many barriers that we create between ourselves and others. It’s like walking into a room and turning on your light and letting everyone else bask in the glow. It is plugging into My power source, and attracting everyone in that room who cares to participate in My happiness to join in.

I believe that happiness and flirtation go together. It’s hard NOT to flirt when you are happy! When I’m happy with Myself, and comfortable within Myself, I reach out more to people, I uplift them, I do anything I can to bring them into their own power and joy…while taking Myself deeper into my own power and joy as well.

Everyone has their own style of flirting.  I Myself use compliments, humor, and awareness. I try to have an awareness about people around Me, sensing when they need to be flirted with. I take so much pleasure in giving someone a compliment and making them smile. In a way it's extremely selfish of Me... I do it because I get pleasure from seeing their pleasure in My company.

Whole-Body Experience

 

I flirt from the tips of My toes to the top of My head, and everywhere in between. I feel good, and everyone around Me does, too.

Think Mae West, think Julia Roberts’ smile.

Each person flirts in their own, inimitable way. They show their approval of themselves and others in a way that is specific to them. Some tilt the head; some have more direct, eye-to-eye contact; some glance away—none of the how matters.

 It is a matter of loving yourself, enjoying the world around you, and picking someone and letting them have it, full blast.

You can’t flirt from the neck up. If you do fake it, you look a bit like the queen greeting her subjects. 

Pay attention to the person you are talking to, and take the attention off yourself. If you pay attention to the other person, you can mesmerize them. This is integral to the fulfillment of your desires. If you can see where someone is at, you can bring them into your vision.

Most people (especially women) are taught to flirt when they want something from someone. But flirting is not currency. Flirting is an activity that is done for the sheer pleasure of it, not necessarily with any goal in mind. Flirtation with a goal in mind isn’t flirtation, it’s work. Will wonderful things happen to you if you flirt? Absolutely. Will you get many great offers? Absolutely. But that is not the reason to flirt. It is done for the sheer pleasure.

If you've ever been in a room with Me, chatted with Me for any length of time, or known someone else who's known Me, you know I flirt all the time.  A casual fun flirt... it's quite literally an integral part of Me, as are My blue eyes.  My own style of flirting can go anywhere from making the cashier behind the register smile when I've noticed she's had a dreadful day to making that special someone get all hot and bothered in desire for Me.... it's enjoyable to the utmost degree.

 

Fuck you

    I've no doubt in My mind that we evolve and adapt every day to the things around us.  Our character grows with each passing moment we breathe.  Our likes, dislikes, needs, and desires change like that of the tides washing upon the shore. Even our chemistry is altered through contact with the world around us.  It's natural and beautiful to watch the life of one become what it is and wonder where it will go.

     I Myself often reflect on where I've been and where I want to yet travel.  The last three weeks, while I was away from the blog, I did just that.  Examined Myself, assessed My emotions and motivations then cleared the webs and restructured them (you'll understand that metaphor much better if you read My blog on how men and women think).  

    I have to say I was carrying around some bitterness and anger. I don't believe in harboring either anger or bitterness because it's only detrimental to the one carrying it. I will say that sometimes closure is hard to come by and leaves things a bit unsettled for a while but in the end it's no excuse not to let things go.   I won't name names or point anything out but I've been rather hurt by a few individuals over the last several months and I had enough.... I hung up the blog, quit responding to emails and messages, and just walked away from things entirely to lick My wounds and heal.

   I don't care for pity parties or whiny babies so I will not give them Myself.  I will say My piece however, to get it off My chest, out there, and allow for some sort of personal closure.

   To the one who said the words 'I love you' then left because it was too difficult... Fuck you.  You toyed with My emotions as a woman, a Mistress, and a person.  You broke My heart in a way I've not let it open for anyone to break in many many years... Shame on you.  I'd say I wish you well but in truth I don't, not at all.  I hope your life is miserable for a long time, that you feel the pain I felt... I want you to be in misery and anguish for hurting Me.  One day, I would love to have you find Me and tell Me how wretched life was without Me, how you regretted every day you lived knowing you had heaven at your fingertips yet let it go because you were a coward just so I can laugh in your face, tell you how wonderful My life was without you and dismiss you like the garbage you are.

   To those who are around merely for convenience.... Fuck you.  I don't need friends of convenience.  My time is precious and wasting it on those who only need entertainment when you're bored isn't what I want to spend it on.  

  And to anyone who doesn't like what I have to say on any matter.... well here's some sign language for you.

                                     ,,l,          ,l,,

Prolonged Exposure

    Have you ever met one of those people who just seem to have a few screws loose?  A few fries short of a happy meal?  Perhaps a crayon missing from their box or even a few marbles they've dropped?  You know, those people that for all intense purposes seem to be great but they are just lacking in the common sense department for some strange reason?  Prolonged exposure to gamma rays possibly?   Oh but if only senselessness could be considered a superpower, we'd have more hero's than we would know what to do with...lol.  
    Now, I don't always equate book smarts with being intelligent.  I know plenty who have had a 4.0 gpa or high IQ who still seem to have very little common sense whatsoever.  Then, I've met some people who have a lower IQ or didn't even graduate High School yet their lives are lived with wisdom and care.   To be completely honest I value common sense or 'street smarts' over academic intelligence any day.  
     I do enjoy a good intellectual conversation but I don't for a moment think that simply because you have some degree or academic trophy behind your name that you are superior to those who don't.  As much as I relish in a good debate over quantum physics and the law of attraction if we cannot talk about the football game I just missed (I seriously need cable during football season) or the way the sound the rain off a tin roof makes Me dream of lazy days reading when I was a child; then conversations with you will not be lengthy or frequent.  
   And for goodness sakes if you don't know to look both ways before crossing, put on a jacket when it's cold, tie your shoes so you don't trip, or that you should ask if I want to see your naked self before just sending a random photo of your asshole up close and personal.... take a step back and rethink wanting to associate with Me, please.
  My warning to all of you out there who run into a person with a clear lack of common sense... and please take a mental note.  Shit, forget the mental note, write this across some blinking yellow tape and carry it around... do NOT play with these people.  The whole safe 'sane' and consensual goes right out the window with those who have no common sense. 

I'm currently in the process of transitioning this blog into a website all it's own.  Well, alright, I'm looking for someone to help Me do just that.  I'd like to make it more professional with the ability to add video logs (vlogs) and other content as well. 

The Art of Sound

Auralism (the art of sound) is a fetish defined as being sexually aroused or excited by sound.  

    Sound is beautiful.  It moves us as humans to 'feel' our emotions at a heightened state.  For those, like Myself, it's even more than that.

    I tend to be quite 'turned on' by sound.  I can't quite tell you why but certain sounds just flip a switch and make My libido come to attention.  I'm drawn in by sound, which is more than likely why I love music so much.  


 Don't believe me? Let's experiment... seriously, take a few minutes in the next 24 hours to do some exercisers and experiments with me...

1. Watch a horror movie with no sound... is it scary still?

2. What about porn? Watch one with no sound.... still turn you on? (well it would to a degree, visual stimuli is the most effective stimuli for arousal)

3. Turn on a piece of music, any piece, sit back close your eyes and let the melodies carry you where they will... what happened?

4. Now turn off the music.. turn everything off, sit in the silence, the quiet.... you'll find there's a sound of silence, quite refreshing and yet terrifying for so many at the same time.


    Sound has the power to move us in many ways but I want to discuss more in depth about how it auditory arousal heightens sexual pleasure during sex.

      Let me speak from my own personal experience here... I've always known I've been auditory aroused.   Music of all genres can put Me in a very erotic mood. A soft whisper of My name, the quiet beat of a heart, the whimpers of a submissive who cannot hold back an orgasm any longer, the guttural growl when they finally are allowed to succumb to the need to release, or the soft panting of letdown/aftercare; are some of the sounds that have the power to turn this woman into a soaking wet mess...

      I absolutely love to be read to. A sure way to keep Me around is to read an erotic novel to me while we cuddle.... it never ever fails. It's not the words themselves, even though words have always held this Domme captive, it's the soft inflections of the reader's voice as they do read.... it takes on a life inside my head that is like no other.

         Our sense of Hearing gets the short end of the stick when it comes to fetishes built around it.... so I will proudly stand and say.. I'm an auralism kinkster. I have an auditory fetish.

Over the next 24 hours truly experiment with sound and  take mental note of the sounds that stimulate you. I bet it's more than you ever realized. If you care to comment here, tell me what sounds turn you on?

Treasure Keeper

The thing is, I don't see anyone as worthless.  No one is a mistake.  Each person on this planet has value.  Each are amazing in their own way.  So for Me to be degrading to a person just isn't logical or at all in My nature.  I could never treat someone like they are nothing more than a piece of furniture... oh yes, I could use a person as a piece of furniture from time to time... shit I do that in vanilla life (leaning against a friend in a movie, laying My legs across My kids lap on the sofa etc)  but I can't ever see Myself treating a person less than the treasure they are.  

 That's not to say I can't delve out humiliation or embarrassment to a degree to help a submissive/slave grow.  I can and will do it from time to time (mostly mental rarely physical).  In that though, there is a purpose... it's to help them grow not to belittle them.  

   Making someone step out of their comfort zone stretches them.  Trust Me, I've had to do it several times in My own  life.... it's growth in a very uncomfortable way.  That growth, is what I enjoy to see.   I have no qualms about helping someone grow in their character, strength, and self awareness.... actually that is My goal with any and every submissive I ever take in.  It's a nurturing and guiding role. 

  That can be anything from exploring one's own body to being adventurous and trying new things.  (you don't know you don't like it until you try it).  If I've a submissive who is shy I might task them with masturbating in the bathroom stall of a public place (of course I'd build up to it over several weeks though),  Start simple conversation with someone at the grocery store or sporting event,  or sing karaoke at the local bar.  It doesn't have to and most likely won't always be kinky.  Actually, let Me just say for the record that if you ONLY want kinky tasks.... I'm not your Gal.  I work in the mental and emotional side of D/s... the kink is just the fun on the side. 

   The point is that those under My collar are treasures. Priceless gems I hold ever so dear.  I will spend every moment I can making them more than they thought they could be and showing them their worth.  It's what I do, it's who I am.  

I'm the treasure Keeper. 

Spent

   Sliding down in My chair I look across the room to where you're precariously perched.  You don't notice Me, too busy entertaining the other guests you've all around you.  I sit, ignoring the rest of the party as I watch you for what seem hours.  Taking note of your every move, every laugh, and every smile. 
    
     A nice looking man, or so I think from the small glimpse of the corner of My eye, leans in to start a conversation but I quickly brush him off, not allowing My focus to wander anywhere from you.  Simply watching you is all the enjoyment I need for the moment.

     Then, you turn My way, ever so slightly.  Your smile spreads as your cheeks turn a rosy pink color... your eyes give you away.  You've known I was watching and displayed yourself in such a way to hold Me captive intentionally.  With that knowledge I give a playful wink and watch as your rosy cheeks become crimson.  Looking away you again entertain the group of people around you, as I can see you're clearly good at.  

     They too are held captive by you.  Drawn to your charisma, your grace, and your beauty that clearly well from deep within and spill forth.... These same qualities are what I've come to love about you.  I though, get to keep you even when they've all gone home.

      Slightly chuckling I stand, catch your eye, and wink again before walking into the room beside us to refresh My drink.  I don't look back but know that the second wink made you giddy because I hear the giggle escape your lips as I round the corner and that makes Me smile a cocky little smile, rather more like a soft smirk.

       Another few hours pass as I do My part in entertaining our guests.  Chatting, answering questions, listening to other's stories, and even giving a few pats to their asses.  Occassionally I smile in your direction with a look that you've seen many times before.... a look that both excites and melts.  

       You know I want you... you know I will have you.  The night has been long, the entertaining exhausting, but I will not let you rest until your body has been completely spent by pleasure.  You will not sleep this night until you've no energy left to even utter the words..

    'Thank You, Mistress'

And Poof....

I don't know if you've noticed or not but I'm a BDSM Mistress... I know, shocking right? And here I thought I was writing about rainbows, unicorns, and barbie dolls all this time.  Well shit, guess the cat is out of the bag.  -pulls flogger from bag-  or well the flogger is out of the bag anyway -winks-

  Ha ha no really, I am so grateful for an outlet like this blog to share My experiences with those who are interested enough to read.  Perhaps it is simply entertainment of some sort, a fresh look into the lifestyle, an idea board, or even a conversation starter for your significant other... whatever the reason you are here reading this, I thank you. 

  So there's this guy... I'll call him... Chris.  Yeah that works. lol.

   Chris is a 27 year old boy scout.  He is cute, sweet, and eager.  That proverbial puppy...  We'd been talking off and on for a while as he was interested in being a submissive of Mine.  In the course of our talking I learned he grew up in the church, was still a virgin, and attempting to live this life secretly.  He'd started once before but quit because he felt guilty.... -palmface-   But was ready now, to embrace his true nature.

   In the course of this talk so many red flags went off I couldn't honestly get too invested yet his story intrigued Me.  There is something deviously wicked about taking a little christian boy scout and making him My bitch that just makes My lady bits tingle with excitement.

   I'm honestly, this sweet easy going and tender woman normally.... I swear... lol. 

   Anyway, Chris vanished... completely vanished.  His profiles on CS and FL both erased.  His kik gone.  Just poof....    I shrugged it off knowing his family is probably keeping him in line and the guilt again consumed him.   Then just as suddenly he reappeared apologizing for the vanish and asking to resume talk... again, I knew not to get invested but the draw of making this 'good boy' worship Me was entirely too appealing to simply be the bitch I can be.   After a week of talking again... and assigning him some simple tasks (which he did without hesitation) I woke up this morning to find yet again his profiles are gone and his kik non-responsive. 
   
   Once was too many so this time I deleted and blocked the motherfucker (where I could anyway).  I had fun though, while he was around a bit, so no hard feelings.... well other than I hope some woman screws with him some day.  I hope she leads him on, gets his little dick as hard as it's ever been then just grabs her things, turns and walks away without a word uttered.   Maybe even leaving him tied up naked for his family to find.... yeah, that's what I hope for him.

I have a Huge Fucking Platter

   One question I get over and over again even in the vanilla world is how I do it... how do I manage such a large family, schooling, working, and still have Me time?   In fact, I'm quite often criticized for 'having too much on My plate'. 

   Well, let Me tell you, I don't have the average size plate to put things in My life on... I have a huge fucking Platter. lol.   Time management and prioritizing are the tools to making sure that platter doesn't tip.  

    Time, as I've said before, is precious.  I use My time wisely or well, as wisely as any Demi-Goddess can -winks-

       My kids are always priority number one.... if and when they need Mom time they get it.  Help getting ready, with homework, a shoulder, an ear, or just some good ole fashioned fun time... I'm never skimpy with My time when it comes to them.  After all, they are the legacy I leave when I do leave this world.  Granted, being Mom is always time consuming I have absolutely wonderful children who are independent like their mother and I expect them to be... so I'm NOT one of these mom's who spends every waking hour cleaning up after them, doting over them, or revolving life around them.  One day, albeit entirely too soon, they will grow up and move on with their own lives... Knowing this I don't focus My entire life on them... it would be silly to.  I have to spend time on My own life, and the lives of all those around Me I love.  I've seen women who have no idea who they are or what they will do once their children go off to college.... I will not ever be one of them.  Besides, it teaches My children that it's possible to love someone without losing yourself while doing it, which I think is one of the most important lessons to learn ever.

     Rob, My fiance', My cake, is priority number two... When he is home or when he needs/wants My time I am there.  I'm fortunate though, that Rob knows what kind of person I am and his personality lines up with that.... neither of us need too much time together to understand and know we love each other.  Neither of us are clingy or needy in that department. It's quality not quantity and we always enjoy our quality time together.  

     Everything and everyone else come in third.... there is a time and place for all.  When I'm doing schooling (often at 3 am because I can't sleep... which is another perk in My life... insomnia is a bitch but it does allow Me to get many things done while you beautiful folk are sleeping) I often will read comments from My blog, messages from FL or CS, or emails.   (it saves My brain too, from melting in overload).    And there it is... the answer.  I multitask like a madwoman.  lol.    I can write My blog, do laundry, read emails, and chit chat all at once.

   I've only once had someone tell Me they felt neglected or that I wasn't giving them enough attention... I'm not saying I don't sometimes fail or get 'narrow minded or focused on one thing to get it done'.... you should see My house when I'm into a really good book.  It's like a tornado went through it because I will not put the book down.  lol.   When someone needs time 'like when My dad was in the hospital and I was at his side' I'm there and all others take a back seat for the time.  But again, everything has it's time and place.  

    I like My routines, they allow Me to move freely in life.  They build the foundation to build My busy life on and without them I tend to go insane.  Time management becomes ingrained in the lives of those who live around Me when they adjust to My routines... Not that every single day looks like the day before or that things don't spontaneously happen (lol... I  surprised My girls today and went to the school today with pizza for lunch... Not only giving Me some good fun time with them but winning Me some "cool Mom"  points ) but when the base routines are laid down there is an ease of movement in between the walls of the structure. 

    So pardon Me if you are jealous that I have a full life and enjoy every moment of it.  I work damn hard at keeping it running smoothly.  There are always little bumps in the road along the way but the ride is so very worth it.  Who says I should only have part of a life... I want it all!!

Riddle Me this Batman!!

1. What goes in dry and hard but comes out wet and soft?


2.  What is at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?


3.  What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years? 


4.   Poke your fingers in my eyes and I will open wide my jaws. Linen cloth, quills, or paper,
 my greedy lust devours them all. What am I?


5.   What belongs to you but others use it more than you do?


6.    I am the beginning of sorrow, and the end of sickness. You cannot express happiness without me, yet I am in the midst of crosses. I am always in risk, yet never in danger. You may find me in the sun, but I am never out of darkness.


7.    Which word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly? 


8.    Imagine you are in a dark room. How do you get out? 


9.   What is always coming but never arrives? 


10.    You approach two talking doors. One door leads to the City of Truth, while the other door leads to the City of Liars. You do not know which door is which. You are able to ask only one question to determine which door is which. The door that leads to the City of Liars always speaks lies, while the door that leads to the City of Truth always speaks the truth. You want to go to the City of Truth. What question do you ask to determine which door leads to the City of Truth?

Submissively Seeking Self Pleasure.

To submissives...

     My goal as a Dominant is not to fuel your every fantasy.  It's not to serve you or make sure you're every whim is satisfied.  I don't sit around all day plotting ways to make your life easier, fuller, or more erotic nor is it My duty to entertain you.  Actually, isn't that your job?  As a submissive those are exactly the things that you should be doing for Me.

    Everyone has needs and desires. It's a fact of life.  In My own opinion, the submissive of a D/s relationship often forfeits their own needs and desires to see to it that the Dominant is satisfied, happy, and served.   That's not always the case, of course but it does happen.  The nature of a true submissive is that they are indeed satisfied simply by the fact that the one they serve is pleased.  Now, hear Me here... I'm not saying that a submissives needs aren't important.  If you are under My collar I do My best to make sure your needs are met along with My own.  However, I'm NOT your fantasy genie.  If you can't serve putting aside your own desires for Mine, then you're out of your fucking mind if you think I will cater to you.  

     I'm so dreadfully tired of meeting submissives (both male and female but mostly male) who will only serve if their desires are being met.  For instance.... I have a friend who keeps asking for a simple picture of the soles of My feet (yeah he's a foot guy).  It's a simple thing no big deal.. but when he asked I told him I wouldn't do it until he did something for Me first.  It was funny really, a joke of sorts between friends... but now I stand by it merely on principal.  I asked him to take a picture perving the produce in a grocery store... nothing that would warrant too much attention or be unhealthy... shit it could be him kissing a gord.  Simple and funny... to amuse Me.  That was a few months ago and I've still yet to see a picture (of course so does he).   Another example... I had a submissive once who LOVED to do kinky things for Me... wear panties, sure no problem.  Put in a penis plug, absolutely.  Go to the store to by ribbon and tell the cashier it's for his Mistress to tie him up, yup done with delight.   But when I tasked him with a video... a simple silly karoake type video where he's being goofy, dressed up, and lip singing to some song for My amusement.... ohhhh it's impossible to do.  Just impossible.  It's too embarrassing and didn't feed his own desires so he never did it.  Then he wasn't a submissive long after that either.   

  Submission, in the Webster's Dictionary, is defined as the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.  Miss Manda's definition... surrendering  control of your life to another.   That means you do what they want you to do when they want you to do it... not only when it serves your own purpose.  

   So, in conclusion... submissives, if you are ONLY in this to have your own self pleased read this, and keep on swimming... I'm NOT the Mistress for you nor am I going to even be a good friend.   I'm a selfish bitch who likes things My way. 

Hmmm....

     I'm baffled by this series of correspondence.... I truly detest arrogant people (especially men) who always think they are higher than those around them due to their level of professional accomplishments or IQ.   I enjoy intellectual conversation and find it admirable to have ambition but possessing these do NOT in any way make you a better person than the stay home mom who never completed high school or the man down the road who has an undergraduate degree that he can't find a job in so he's working at the local McDonalds till something opens up.  

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Hello,

I viewed your profile ... so I thought I would write ... with saying that, let me tell you a little about me ...

I'm new to the area (just relocated here) as I am starting a new job next week ... I am 39 y/o ... straight ... athletic/fit ... very well educated ... I am a college professor and I teach Human Sexuality for a living ... I love my job ! ... I studied Psychology with a concentration in Human Sexuality ... I get to talk about sex all day :) ... actually, I do that when I'm not working as well ;) ...

Let me address my pic ... everyone emails or comments on it (good and bad) ... pretty simple, I figured an adult site ... why not an adult pic :) ...

I am attracted to intelligence first and foremost ... without intelligence there really isn't much after that ... intelligence brings a new level to everything , i.e. sex, chemistry, etc ... did my undergrad at U of Michigan and grad at Yale ... completed my PhD Dissertation on the contributing factors to a woman's orgasm ... interviewed over 4000 women ... very insightful and very helpful ;) ...

I teach 2 undergrad Human Sexuality classes and 2 grad seminar sex topic classes ... So, if you are interested at all ... email me back as I would like to know more about you ? ...

Michael


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 Michael,
  
    Hello sugar, thank you for the compliments.  Though you didn't give any outright compliments by the sound of things you don't waste time sending messages to those who aren't intelligent as well as attractive to you (which must mean you believe Me to be both).  Flattery in such subtle ways is quite intoxicating. 

    I'm impressed at what you've told Me about your accomplishments but that however, tells Me very little about you personally (other than you're driven, ambitious, and one who loves his work).  You're accomplishments however, won't do a thing for you if you're looking to get to know Me on a deeper level (or really any level).  I've met some amazing people who have scores of impressive accomplishments as well as those who've seemingly lived a very ordinary life... what I look for, and love to get to know, is the soul of a person. 

   So, who are you?  What color is your soul?  What does it taste like, look like, smell like, feel as?  These are things that I will learn as we go, for they aren't things you can outright tell Me.

   ~Miss Manda

p.s. About the pic... is it you?

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 Miss Manda ...

Glad you picked up on my subtle undertones ... very perceptive ...

However, I think you missed the point of my email ... I was sending you an articulate and informative email so you can understand a bit about me and what I am passionate about ... as the Greeks say (I am Greek and Italian) ... "without Passion there is nothing else" ... The point wasn't to tell you my accomplishments (I have a passion for sex and it's a vocation) it's not an accomplishment ... It should tell you everything about me personally ... i.e. driven, ambitious, passionate are all qualites of a "persona" or "personality" ... Human Sexuality is a derivative of Psychology ...

Michael

 Yes, the pic is me ... the funny thing is that it's only a pic ... not who I am ... funny you missed the point of who I am and focused on the pic ...



__________________________________________________________________

 
 OH no no no... I did pick up quite a bit in your message about who you were... as indicated.  I do believe the driven and ambitious were My exact words.  I saw some of your characteristics of course, I quite said as much. 

It's you who've misunderstood Me entirely... I was stating that the soul of a person is much deeper and larger than even a few of their characteristics and passions... it's their entire entity... and it's not something you get to know easily in minor conversations but rather through years and years of time, energy, and communication.  One never fully knows another.

I'm quite taken aback at the tone of your last message... I was beginning to enjoy our correspondence till just now. 

And the picture statement was simply addressing what you had already said in your first message to Me... otherwise I'd not of brought it up. 

Miss Manda.