Hmmm....

     I'm baffled by this series of correspondence.... I truly detest arrogant people (especially men) who always think they are higher than those around them due to their level of professional accomplishments or IQ.   I enjoy intellectual conversation and find it admirable to have ambition but possessing these do NOT in any way make you a better person than the stay home mom who never completed high school or the man down the road who has an undergraduate degree that he can't find a job in so he's working at the local McDonalds till something opens up.  

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Hello,

I viewed your profile ... so I thought I would write ... with saying that, let me tell you a little about me ...

I'm new to the area (just relocated here) as I am starting a new job next week ... I am 39 y/o ... straight ... athletic/fit ... very well educated ... I am a college professor and I teach Human Sexuality for a living ... I love my job ! ... I studied Psychology with a concentration in Human Sexuality ... I get to talk about sex all day :) ... actually, I do that when I'm not working as well ;) ...

Let me address my pic ... everyone emails or comments on it (good and bad) ... pretty simple, I figured an adult site ... why not an adult pic :) ...

I am attracted to intelligence first and foremost ... without intelligence there really isn't much after that ... intelligence brings a new level to everything , i.e. sex, chemistry, etc ... did my undergrad at U of Michigan and grad at Yale ... completed my PhD Dissertation on the contributing factors to a woman's orgasm ... interviewed over 4000 women ... very insightful and very helpful ;) ...

I teach 2 undergrad Human Sexuality classes and 2 grad seminar sex topic classes ... So, if you are interested at all ... email me back as I would like to know more about you ? ...

Michael


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 Michael,
  
    Hello sugar, thank you for the compliments.  Though you didn't give any outright compliments by the sound of things you don't waste time sending messages to those who aren't intelligent as well as attractive to you (which must mean you believe Me to be both).  Flattery in such subtle ways is quite intoxicating. 

    I'm impressed at what you've told Me about your accomplishments but that however, tells Me very little about you personally (other than you're driven, ambitious, and one who loves his work).  You're accomplishments however, won't do a thing for you if you're looking to get to know Me on a deeper level (or really any level).  I've met some amazing people who have scores of impressive accomplishments as well as those who've seemingly lived a very ordinary life... what I look for, and love to get to know, is the soul of a person. 

   So, who are you?  What color is your soul?  What does it taste like, look like, smell like, feel as?  These are things that I will learn as we go, for they aren't things you can outright tell Me.

   ~Miss Manda

p.s. About the pic... is it you?

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 Miss Manda ...

Glad you picked up on my subtle undertones ... very perceptive ...

However, I think you missed the point of my email ... I was sending you an articulate and informative email so you can understand a bit about me and what I am passionate about ... as the Greeks say (I am Greek and Italian) ... "without Passion there is nothing else" ... The point wasn't to tell you my accomplishments (I have a passion for sex and it's a vocation) it's not an accomplishment ... It should tell you everything about me personally ... i.e. driven, ambitious, passionate are all qualites of a "persona" or "personality" ... Human Sexuality is a derivative of Psychology ...

Michael

 Yes, the pic is me ... the funny thing is that it's only a pic ... not who I am ... funny you missed the point of who I am and focused on the pic ...



__________________________________________________________________

 
 OH no no no... I did pick up quite a bit in your message about who you were... as indicated.  I do believe the driven and ambitious were My exact words.  I saw some of your characteristics of course, I quite said as much. 

It's you who've misunderstood Me entirely... I was stating that the soul of a person is much deeper and larger than even a few of their characteristics and passions... it's their entire entity... and it's not something you get to know easily in minor conversations but rather through years and years of time, energy, and communication.  One never fully knows another.

I'm quite taken aback at the tone of your last message... I was beginning to enjoy our correspondence till just now. 

And the picture statement was simply addressing what you had already said in your first message to Me... otherwise I'd not of brought it up. 

Miss Manda.

Grow Up!!

   I received a message today on CS that read like this:

My ex wife discovered this profile and is blackmailing me until I complete her demands of serving 3 male dommes , giving her all of my savings , swallow her lovers cum out of a condom and get a tattoo that states I am a lying cheating cock sucking piece of shit unless I can get 3 dommes on this site to agree that this punishment is too severe . Please agree that these punishments are too severe . 

     Now, at the first reading I shook My head and laughed.  This can't be for real can it?  Seems to be too 'far' out there to be real.  Is it just a ploy from some idiot trying to get attention because that's what it seems to Me.   

     If it were though, how would I answer?  After all that is the point of the message itself.   I would answer like this (not sending it though just on principal).

Dear sir,
   You messaged Me hoping to get a response that the punishment your ex wife is giving is too severe in nature so that you don't have to undergo her demands.   I however, cannot in good conscience give you that response.  
     The reply I do give is as follows...
 Grow up, both of you.  I don't know how or why your ex found out about your profile but who the fuck cares?  I've never understood how people can be so childish at times.   She's your ex wife so why are you allowing her power over you to begin with?  Why is she blackmailing you over a profile on a 'kinky dating site'.   These are rhetorical questions as I do not want a reply message.  Just think.  Are you a ten year old child who's going to allow the bully to push you around?  And why the hell is a grown ass woman being a bully?   Both are a bit juvenile in My opinion.
     ~Miss Manda

     Short and to the point.  You may or may not agree with Me but It doesn't matter. It's how I feel regarding the message in whole.  It's a childish rant on both parties or just one looking for attention.   I have much more important things and people to spend that attention on.... Like you!!

    I love getting your comments, emails, and messages on both FL and CS.  I wrote about bryan My muse but in truth I have so many muses who spark creativity when I write.  At different times some of you have been just this.  So keep them coming, please.  

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         If you, yes you reader, have any questions you'd like answered or any topics you'd like Me to discuss or rant on please feel free to email Me at 

 MistressAmandaCrystine@gmail.com. 

Miss Me?

I'm back.  Did you Miss Me????

The highs and lows of My last week and why NOT to try and force 'Me' time when you're a busy mom...

      So I had to jet away (not literally jet, though I so would love to just hop in a personal jet and go wherever I wanted... but then again who wouldn't?)  for a family emergency.  I was away from any internet at all really. When wifi was available I'd be too busy or exhausted to use it.  I missed you dear blog readers, friends, and fans. 

      If I kept in contact with you directly.... feel very privileged.  I was at a low and when I am in a low I tend to draw inward.  I've often pushed people away simply because I hit a low and they don't know how to handle the 'outgoing' Me being suddenly introverted and quiet.   Rob says that's always how he knows something is truly bothering Me... I'm quiet. LOL.  The reason for My low:  My father (one of them)  had a stroke and I was at his bedside.   When your father forgets who you are it's quite an emotional thing.  I have a sudden sympathy for those who are dealing with Alzheimer's in some form or another.  

     While it was stressful and draining it was also rewarding for Me to be there helping where I could.   I've not slept so sound and hard in a long time...  I need to start wearing Myself out to sleep at night apparently.   Spending time reading to, talking with, and just being around My father was nice...even in those times he was too out of it to notice or didn't remember who I was entirely.  The prognosis, a week later, is good though... he is in a nursing facility undergoing physical therapy and will get to go home in a week or two.  

    I came home Tuesday, to a madhouse of rushing to get the kids enrolled for school.... Two in High School, one in Junior High, and two in elementary school.  We had three different orientations to attend and two meetings with individual teachers to set a game plan for the year.  On top of that, I had an interview with a prospective job  (yes I'm looking for a job... if you know of anyone hiring a writer please send them My way) as well as a doctor visit to get our kindergartener caught up on immunizations.

   Yesterday, I just needed a few hours... just a few.  I could feel Myself tense, exhausted, snippy, and overwhelming to those around Me.  So I attempted to take it.  I've had a dreadful sinus cold that lead to an infection and a horrid pinched nerve in My left shoulder blade had been bothering Me all week so a good loooonnggg hot bath was in order.  It was 3 pm, Alex was down for a nap, I thought it was safe.   Just before I slipped in the tub I took My nose ring out planning on putting in another after My bath ........ Alright, I have to insert here that I had this piercing done a few months ago now, maybe four, and I absolutely LOVE it.  It healed well and I've taken the ring out a few times, cleaned it, changed rings, etc. with no problems..... Sitting in the tub I lay back and allow the steam of the bath to soothe My sinuses as I listen to the soft jazz music in the background.  Quite literally fifteen minutes into the bath My phone rings and it's My ex (who was supposed to be pick up My girls the next morning to take them for the weekend before school starts)  and he needed to talk to the girls right away. -long deep sigh-  Ten minutes later I had three teenage daughters in the bathroom upset and frantic.  Their dad wanted to pick them up in less than an hour, well over 14 hours early I add, and none of them were ready.  I ended the bath abruptly and began to frantically help them get ready (including teaching My youngest daughter how to shave her legs... I'd promised her I would because she's just started her cycles and wants to suddenly be a young lady... woohoo).   He was late by an hour which was fine because it took us that long to get them ready and packed.  After they left I helped make dinner, ate, did dishes, then helped clean up the messes of the day which were plentiful.  I've found when things are rushed there is always a HUGE mess to clean up afterward.  I put the boys to bed about 8 and finally sank into the couch exhausted.
    
    Twenty minutes later a dreadful realization hit Me... I'd forgotten, in the madness of the moments, to take the time to replace the nose ring.  Sure it was no big deal I waltzed into the bathroom to do just that.   After an hour of trying, bleeding, and pain I gave up.  I couldn't get it in properly.  Instead I had screwed (I use a corkscrew ring) it into the fleshy part of My nose but it had not come out INSIDE My nose at all... A little scream, some tears, and lots of blood later I got it out and left it out, plopping back on the couch to pout.  All I can do now is give it a few months, let it heal, and go in to get it re-pierced.    Lessons learned... 1.)  My ex is still every bit the douche bag he always has been. 2.)  I'm the best damn mom in the universe, just ask My girls  3.)  Next time lock the door, turn off the phone, and pretend the rest of the world is non existent for just a while to stay focused.  4.)  I need desperately to have someone looking out for Me as I look out for everyone else around here.

      There are a few little things I need to do this weekend (school supply shopping)  but nothing major.   So  after sending all the kids away and sitting to do absolutely NOTHING for a few hours I thought I'd best get this blog out just so you all know I've not forgotten about you. 

Forced

    Every time I see "I'm into forced _____" I have to stop and question it.  It's rather a complex thing isn't it...I think there is a difference though in being forced as opposed to being curious and wanting it a bit.  

  

    I'm not saying everytime someone says they'd be into forced something or other it's not true but at times I wonder.

    The nature of D/s is to be safe, sane, and consensual.  So the whole concept of force is rather backwards for Me.  If I have to force you to do something it no longer becomes consensual... If you willingly do something I want, even if it's not something you'd do normally, then it's no longer forced... See My point??

    I completely understand that when a submissive/slave takes an Owner that they won't always like what they're expected to do.  As long as it doesn't push hard limits, I think it's wise for an Owner to push boundaries and open their charge up to new experiences. But again, the term forced doesn't really apply in My opinion.

    Let's take for instance a message I received yesterday... This very nice, easy read came to My inbox.  A trans-girl was interested in knowing if I'd look into possibly Owning her.  She's cute and fun.  Doing a good job of transitioning if you ask Me.  Then she starts talking about how she's into forced hormone therapy, forced permanent feminization, and forced breast implants.  Now, this is where I stopped and went "hmmmmm".   If you're already a trans-girl most of the time and wanting to take it further how the hell is any of that forced??? 

   I know many a TG who would love the hormones and surgery but the cost is beyond their budget... I also know TG ladies who would never go down that road even though they have the means to.  Each travel a different journey.  But to Me, and this is simply My opinion, if you say you're all about being a woman...don't follow up with how you're into forced feminization. 

   Another example is the one I get so very often...forced bi.  I lost count of the male submissives who've said they would be forced bi for Me over the years (it's no secret I enjoy male/male play). Some are naturally bi curious anyway (they talk about dick more than I do) and some are as straight as straight gets.  Either way, if you tell Me you'll do something that you'd normally not be into, it's not forced. 

  I suggest we stop using the term "forced" altogether when talking about a safe, sane, and consensual relationship.  If you're willing to do something that goes against your nature to please another person it's not forced.  

Meet a Muse...

I have a muse, his name is bryan. This blog is for him.


     I've been writing for a long time, well before I ever met you.  I've been good at it too.  Though as of late I've hit this plateau, this fog of  not-lovers sparking inspiration you give to Me.  I ask you to forgive the flowery romantic imagery I may lay upon this paper with My words in advance... it's too common to use in description of what we share, of who you are but the ink that flows from My mind embellishes it the only way I know how.


     I know, you are not some Ancient Greek god, no pixie, no unicorn from a fantasy fairy tale.  I know you're not put here for Me entirely, you've a life before and after... you're story isn't written for only Me to see and enjoy.  I know you're real, flesh and blood, human... a regular joe.  Yet wait, you're so much more.  Extraordinary, exemplary, and exhilarating.  Yes those are the words I'd use to describe you.  You're nothing short of a muse, My muse. 

     I didn't search for you and you didn't chose to be My muse. I don't even know if you realize you've been so lately, because I've not told you.  To talk about how one inspires Me and challenges Me in the depths that you have isn't common place.  I know our love is a platonic one filled with desire and longing that we wrestle with, not wanting to cross a line for the love is founded in a difficult place.  A place that isn't very gracious in it's possibilities for anything more.  To try to comfortably tell you and explain that you're My muse could perhaps be a put-off of My intentions.

    The risk of running you off knowing what you mean to Me is one I'm not comfortable with but nor am I comfortable with holding anything back.  Life is too precious to hold back, isn't it?!

      If I told you that I want you around all the time so I can talk to you and be inspired, would you care?  Would proclaiming Myself to you and showing you that you're My muse make you run into the forest frightened or would it make you stop, transfixed on Me as I am you?

      You’ve been showing up, in bits and pieces, in my writing — at first, a quip or quote here or there but soon, a fully-formed epic sprang forth from my head like Athena from Zeus’s crown. (It’s an overblown and overused metaphor, for sure. But it seemed appropriate given the outdated nature of your even being a muse, right? I mean, let’s not split hairs. Some of these lines are indeed your fault.) 

      To update it, maybe like Leo and Kate in Titanic, you can sprawl naked on my couch and I’ll sit with my Macbook open, typing away — occasionally looking up, tongue wedged between my teeth in focus — capturing your essence, your silhouette, your humor, your jawline. I’d paint it into Microsoft Word, everything you make me feel and think and then simply slap it up onto a blog where it will be consumed within minutes. Where no one will care about the complex nature of what I feel, beyond me — and maybe you?

      It’s less romantic than the arts of years gone by that you may be used to; what with the storied history of the muse. We live in a time where these things are more functional than flattering and for that, muse, I apologize. You certainly deserve more.

      I want to study you as you've studied Me. I want to research you like a historical event or a scientific anomaly. Who cares what aspect of quantum mechanics is being uncovered today? Not Me... I want to know what you think about comic book movies. I want to capture the way your hands move. I want to decipher your voice.  Watch your submission grow and develop into the artwork I know you are. I want to take control of your expressions, give them character with ink, and watch them come to life.  

     Oh, I’ve gained so much because of you, My muse. But I have also lost, don’t you see? Throughout time and history and art and stories, the creator will always lose.  In this, though, as the creators of bygone years, I too will willingly lose for the integrity of My art as well as the company of My muse.
     You may be miles and miles away from Me but in spirit, in heart, and in love you are right here with Me.... inspiring Me every day.  Hasn't it been said that at times you have to be apart from the people you love.  That doesn't make you love them any less, in fact at times it makes you love them all the more.

 My bryan, My friend, My muse...  Thank you from the depths of My heart.

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         If you, yes you reader, have any questions you'd like answered or any topics you'd like Me to discuss or rant on please feel free to email Me at 

 MistressAmandaCrystine@gmail.com. 

Pet Peeves

      We all have them.  Those things that make us cringe, that ruffle our feathers, grate our nerves or just drive us insane. 

      I have many, really, many many.  I do My best to try to tolerate most but there are times where it just hits that right nerve and I'm done.  I've completely walked away from conversation before because that nerve was hit just right and I needed to breath or I was going to go insane...

      Movie disrupters... When I'm in a movie theater and spent money to see a movie on the big screen I actually want to see it.  I HATE when some idiot around Me is texting, talking, or getting up a dozen times disrupting My viewing pleasure.  I do not hesitate to tap them and say something (politely).   I've even walked out of the theater and told a manager, watching as they were escorted out of the theater with a crooked little grin before again enjoying My movie experience.

     Spoilers.... I can't stand to know what's going to happen next.  If you and I are watching something and you know what's about to happen... don't even hint.  I will ask, don't tell... it is just a let down when you know the end of something before it happens.   My daughters do this all the time and it drives Me batty.  Now, I will talk to a movie/tv show when home... yelling at the characters or crying and asking why... but I won't tell you what's about to happen so don't tell Me.

      Skinny jeans on men... ugh, come on... for the love of the heavens and all that is right in the world... add a few inches to that fabric and let them just glide over your ass as they should... I don't want them so tight I can see your junk before it's in My hand.

    Crumbs in the bed... I don't like anyone to eat anywhere but the table in My house... I hate stepping, sitting, or just finding the remnants of food laying about.  In the bed, though, is the worst.  When I go to lay down It's usually with very little clothing on.  If I lay down and feel prickly crumbs from someone's food I get infuriated.  I literally will wake everyone up and demand who snuck food in My bed.  After they've cleaned it they can go back to bed.

    Public arguments...  Ok, I know there are some times that you just can't stand the one your with.  But please for the sake of your own pride, don't air your dirty laundry for us all to hear and see.  There is a time and place for everything... learn it, use it.

     Adding s...  Ok I have a few friends who do this and it makes My skin crawl.  Okay becomes  Okies (well to be honest I sometimes use that one).  I knows,  yous guys, Walmarts, Meijers, krogers.... people listen to Me, there is no s at the end of these so please don't add one. 

     Repeatedly asking the same question just in different words.  If I answer one way and you ask again ten minutes later with different wording, I'm just going to to tell you to get out of My face.  Ask My kids, they know.  Or when you don't get an answer, you ask over and over.  If you know that I heard you but still didn't answer it's because I didn't want to take the time and waste My breath answering for a reason.

    Homophone misuse.  I can be a grammar nazi.   Not that My own English is flawless but some things just irk Me.  Like the misuse of homophones: two, to, too.  their, they're, there. your, you're.

    Ignorance.   I don't mind teaching someone something, I often have to learn things Myself (I'm not all knowing) What I find irrational and irritating is one who wallows in their ignorance and chooses to stay there.  If you say that the sky is green and I prove that it's teal yet you won't agree, don't expect to have in depth conversations with Me in the future.


    This list could go on for much longer but I'll stop there for today.  What are some pet peeves you have?   I'd like to hear from you.  Have I left out your greatest pet peeve?  

 
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         If you, yes you reader, have any questions you'd like answered or any topics you'd like Me to discuss or rant on please feel free to email Me at 

 MistressAmandaCrystine@gmail.com. 

80 and Beautiful

   It's been a long but good day today.  I woke up at a bit before 6 a.m. with Alex.  We had Mommy/Alex time and then he laid down for a nap while I did some light cleaning then took a shower.  By then the other boys and Rob were awake and I was able to ready for the day then rest a bit on the PC.  

   I had some video chat time with Grace, who is just a breath of fresh air.  Her beauty radiates about her. I have to say, readers, I've a schoolgirl like crush on her...  Even just out of bed, no make up, and out in the bright light by the pool (which I'm still jealous of btw)  she's stunningly beautiful and just downright adorable.  Oh, I should mention that Grace is one who I've been chatting with a while now.  She's a quirky, witty, unique, gorgeous, and talented tree hugger who has made Me smile on many many occasion already! (but we will save her introduction for a later blog)

    Then I went to My Memaw's 80th birthday party.  I sat back a few moments watching them all interact with My Memaw and each other and thought to Myself just how blessed I am.  I've a fairly large family and they are all so very amazing.  I might not see them as often as I'd like or be in touch nearly as much as I should but I love them all dearly and I know that they always have My back... that's what family is for!!  They've all taught Me so many vital lessons and helped mold Me to who I am today.  I only hope that they are as proud of Me as I am of them. 

   Watching My Memaw hold Alex and him giggle and hum to her touched My heart in a way I cannot quite express.  My Memaw is the most amazing and wonderful woman. I remember being small Myself (what very few childhood memories I have) and dancing around her feet, singing with a spoon probably way off key but Memaw always made Me feel like I was the most important, most beautiful, smartest, and talented little girl the world had ever seen.  Haha, I remember pretending I was a puppy often, crawling around and making everyone 'pet' Me... or doing some little 'play' with My little brother and everyone watching....  

   Today, Memaw isn't able to scoop Alex up like she did with Me when I was small.  She's frail and I can tell in her eyes she's tired but holding on to the joy of life and proving to time that even at 80 there's life to be lived.   I wonder if she knows how beautiful she is?  Does she see that through the years time has only given her grace and wisdom?  Does she know that she's left such a huge imprint on so many people around her?  Does she know that her butterfly (yes that's what she's always called Me) only hopes to one day be half the woman she is?  

    I'm home now, with Alex tucked into bed, the boys playing in their room, and Rob waiting to watch a movie while I write this blog.  My eyes are damp with the joy I have, the love, for the family I've visited today.  My Memaw, Dad and Ma, four Uncles and Aunts, and a handful of cousins and their families.  I'm honored and proud to be part of them. 

Having My Cake and Eating it Too!

My monogamous non-monogamous relationship with Rob (who is My fiance') looks much like this...



The chocolate cake
 
   I am monogamous... I love Rob with all My heart, mind, and soul.  He is My world.  When we met something just clicked, fastened, and it never came undone.  His charming humor and sexy grin swept Me off My feet quite literally and I've yet to feel the ground since I've met him.  

   I've pledged My love and life to him and our children.  He is the ONLY man who will ever have Me in a vanilla monogamous way.  I will take his name and be his.  I will cater to his every need and love him beyond the depth that any other woman could ever attempt to.  (Of course without ever wavering in the dominant woman I am).  He is My mate, My husband (soon), My partner in life.  


   The chocolate gnosh

     I'm also non-monogamous (polyamory). No, it's not cheating on Rob. Cheating is breaking a promise, a vow, or agreement.  I am open, honest, and ethical in all My relationships.  I never step into any relationship without the consent of ALL partners involved.  Tolerance isn't enough either... acceptance is absolutely required before I even begin a relationship.  If Rob doesn't like you, think you're in it for My best interest, or feels off...it's a no go, end of story. 

     I only wished being poly meant I was having sex ALL the time... Polyamorous relationships are not about the sex. They're about the relationships.  There might be more sexual variety, but that doesn't necessarily translate into more sex in general, nor does it in any way imply that the sex is casual or there are no commitments or emotional intimacy involved.  And variety is the spice of life!!  I cannot do casual sex.  It's just not in My nature.  I can sit back and watch other's have casual sex, even orchestrate it, but to partake in it Myself is just something I cannot enjoy.  You've all learned by now that My sex drive is quite comparable to a teenage boy's.... but that doesn't mean I am out there spreading My legs or flaunting My domination for any tom, dick, and sally that walks by.


     Yes, I can love Rob with all My heart and yet love other's with all My heart as well.  I do NOT believe in the 'starvation model' of love.  The starvation model thinks of love like a pitcher of sweet tea... You can't give your "whole heart" to someone and have anything left to give anyone else. If you fill one person with your love there's not enough left to fill another without taking some from that first glass.  Make sense?  Nah, I don't think so either...  I have 8 children... do I tell My son Alex, who is the last, that I just don't love him because Mommy already has 7 children I love and there's nothing left for him... HELL NO... My little man, Alex, is the joy of life just as much as his oldest sister is... the pitcher doesn't run dry.  What can I say, My pitcher of sweet tea must be more like the Atlantic Ocean... I give abundantly yet there's always a vast more where it came from. My relationships with are as unique and individual as the people in them themselves. Every person is capable of having "love" for more than one person because each person, and each relationship with each person, are completely unique.


   The chocolate icing
    
   Where I am poly, Rob is not.  He has only one lover, Me.  Not that I'm a jealous person.  I am human and have emotions like any other human but when I face jealousy (which I have in the past) I deal with the underlying issue of the cause, not the symptom itself.  I like to be secure in My relationships or I will not have them.  If I can't be sure you will, at the end of the day, want Me.... I don't want you.   The reason he's not poly is because, well, I simply like to be the center of his world.  He's gone working five days a week (a trucker)  and when he's home, I devote all My time to him as I expect and want him to do for Me... He hasn't time for Me and someone else so it works for us that he is monogamous.  This doesn't mean he hasn't been allowed 'fun time' with a submissive of Mine before... he has.  To take a girlfriend or lover though.... oh hell no.



The chocolate shavings to top it off

    The trick to My life is that I see Myself as a complete and whole individual worthy of love.  My partners aren't puzzle pieces that I try to fit into My life to create a 'whole' happiness.... I'm already wholly happy.  Those who I choose to love, I do so, to enrich and add to My quality of life. I enjoy those in My life for the benefits they bring Me (and I to them), I don't look for anyone else to take on the responsibility to make Me happy.  I am responsible for My own happiness and if I expect somoene else to do it... it will always lead to failure.



 

  So excuse Me while I have My cake and eat it too!

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         If you, yes you reader, have any questions you'd like answered or any topics you'd like Me to discuss or rant on please feel free to email Me at 

 MistressAmandaCrystine@gmail.com. 

Where oh Where is My Pip?

One of My favorite books is Charles Dickens 'Great Expectations'. The story of struggle, growth, and hope are inspiring on so many levels. It's a classic I read over and over again. While there are many aspects of the storyline I enjoy today I will talk about one specifically.

Pip and Estella

      Pip and Estella are both orphans. Pip raised by his sister and her husband, a common laboring family where Estella is raised by Miss Havisham, a wealthy lady. Pip's first meeting of Estella is less than enjoyable. His relationship with her does not grow naturally as the reader would expect but instead he is rejected and ridiculed quite crudely at every turn. He doesn't give up though. Pip remains in love with her and personifies her as the sum of all his goals in life.

    Estella is cruel and harsh to Pip when they meet. Her remarks towards him shows her disdain for his lifestyle. 'why, he is a common labouring boy!' 'what coarse hands he has! and what thick boots!' He is common where she is genteel. This first meeting with Estella marks a turning point in his young life: her beauty, grace, and prospects represent the opposite of Pip's humble existence.

    This led to Pip's desire to better himself to be worthy of Estella's love. He felt he must have higher expectations of himself, and wished to be a gentleman for her. Pip’s early relationship with Estella was based purely on his deep admiration of her high social status and beauty, rather than she as a whole. It is possible that Pip only loved Estella due to what she represented and not who she was. Pip also felt very inadequate throughout the beginning of the book, so perhaps he found Estella attractive due to her self-assured confidence. He wanted that for himself.

     He becomes more and more dissatisfied with his life and eventually Miss Havisham becomes his benefactor as another character begins to teach him the ways of a gentleman in the prospect of winning Estella's favor in love. But for her the sincerity of Pip's love is worth nothing at all. She tells him, 

''You must know that I have no heart—... ... Oh, I have a heart to be stabbed in or shot in.... But you know what I mean, I have no softness there, no sympathy, sentiment, nonsense.''
 
    As they travel into adulthood he relentlessly pursues her even though her warm expressions of friendship are firmly countered by her insistence that she cannot love him. Actually, Estella flirts with and pursues Bentley Drummle, a disdainful rival of Pip's, and eventually marries him for his money. Seeing her flirt with the brutish Drummle, Pip asks Estella (rather bitterly) why she never displays such affection with him.  Her response:

 "Do you want me then",

 said Estella, turning suddenly with a fixed and serious, if not angry, look,

 "to deceive and entrap you?"

"Do you deceive and entrap him, Estella?"

"Yes, and many others—all of them but you." 

 At one point Estella tells Pip, quite abruptly, 

'"You will get me put of your thoughts in a week." 

His reply is by far My favorite quote of the entire book...
 
"Out of my thoughts! You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been every line i have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since-on the river, on the sails of the ships, on the marshes, on the clouds, on the light, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, on the sea, in the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted with."

    That quote shows that Estella feels at least a bit of love for Pip, as does the fact that in his presence, she never pretends to be anything but what she is. Rather than achieve the intended effect, this honest behavior only frustrates Pip all the more.

     Drummle dies, as a result of his abuse to an animal and Pip again pursues Estella in a frenzy, often tormenting himself to the point of utter despair. He makes writhing, pathetic attempts to awaken some flicker of emotion in Estella, but these merely perplex her; Estella sees his devotion as irrational.

     By the end of the book their relationship is marked by some sadness and some joy. They are standing there, in front of Miss Havishams house holding hands. Estella still indicates that she doesn't believe she and Pip will be together, Pip perceives that she will stay with him. It's left up to us as the reader to decide their fate.

    Pip's love and devotion to a woman who is so superior to him, if even just in her own mind, is exemplary of the submissive man I've been looking for to call My own. He doesn't run away for fear he cannot live up to her expectations. He doesn't cower at her coldness, harshness, or demands. Instead he uses them as well as his love to prove himself worthy over and over again. He's relentless in his pursuit, knowing that no other woman will suffice, that she is his all.
 
    Where is this submissive man I've been looking for? The one who will not run in fear when things get tough but who will show character and dedication in submission and love. Is he out there? Or perhaps I'm the Pip in this and the idea of that is so lofty that I'm longing after something that will always be unrequited....




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         If you, yes you reader, have any questions you'd like answered or any topics you'd like Me to discuss or rant on please feel free to email Me at 

 MistressAmandaCrystine@gmail.com. 

her Mind, her Drive, her Intoxication

   Women are different than men on nearly every level there is.  I've been asked on if I prefer male or female submissives.   I don't prefer either to be honest, I prefer both.  There is a difference in how I'm satisfied by them and what I want from them because there is a vast difference in their chemical make up.   There are similarities I will admit... the base line stays the same.

     I being a woman Myself, think so highly of women, even more so than of men.  You've seen how I love a man's mind, his body, and his will... but for women it's more than even that.  A woman has strength and power that a man could never posses.  Men are like puppies... they are adorable, sweet, playful, always wanting to please to a point that drives Me wild with giddiness.  Women are like kittens... they, as well, are adorable, sweet, playful and wanting to be accepted but there's a grace, an elegance, and a strength that resides within them.

     A woman's mind is as complex and beautiful as a spider's web.   Every little corner is connected and weaved into the other parts of her.  To touch one part of a woman's life you touch every aspect of her.  It's as busy as a web browser with more than four dozen tabs open... it's constantly processing and in a thousand different directions all at once.

A woman is a wonderland... her mind, soul, and body.   The sly seduction of her walk, her voice, her curves. 

    Although I do have toys I like to use with a female slave such as My floggers and that pretty little jeweled butt plug, I find My mind is My favorite tool with them. A woman will never be putty in My hands, no she's much much more.  When I hold hold a woman in My hands I hold a treasure. Her elegance, strength, wisdom, attentiveness, and generosity make her that treasure I will cherish always.

     To bring a woman to the edge, to keep her there, it takes a mental prowess that is both challenging and stimulating for Me.  I can be subtle and sensual as well as soft.  Tenderly and gracefully touching the recesses of her mind in various little ways that make her body yearn for the physical touch.   She doesn't have to see Me, touch Me, or even hear Me to be turned on.   I can text her in the morning with a seemingly simple text 'Good morning My love, I hope you slept well, I've been thinking of you through the night'... and her receptors are already picking up the undertones of subtle sensuality and seduction because she's been attentive and knows the cues I give.   Through the day the small winks, grins, and giggles I may give keep her there, on the edge, her mind and body longing for Me to focus entirely on her.    By the time evening falls away and night begins merely dragging My fingers along her shoulder can send her into shaking.  I love this, it drives Me wild to know how much they desire, want, no crave Me.  

     That is My pleasure, My goal, My enjoyment... to have her mind, her drive, her intoxication.... focused on Me while I enjoy her in every way.

Penis Plugs and Chastity

I've been asked several times about My stance on chastity, chastity devices, and why I like to use penis plugs for My male submissive/slaves.  I thought I'd take today to answer these questions a bit more deeply and clearly.

What is a penis plug?

    A penis plug is a toy (often considered body jewelry) that can be inserted into urethra to achieve sexual arousal. It makes the penis more sensitive and responsive, makes erections stronger, and it can intensify orgasm. Another reason to use a penis plug is to imitate the look of a Prince Albert piercing (without actually being pierced).

   There are many different designs of penis plugs. In its basic form, a penis plug is a smooth, metal plug made to be inserted into the urethra. Other designs are made to heighten arousal and to help keep the plug in place. There are many different textured penis plugs as well as penis plugs with a glans ring. The ring keeps the plug in place safely and it also increases pleasure by making the penis harder and more sensitive to touch. Some penis rings are solid while others have a central hole so urine and sperm can be passed freely.

What is chastity?

  Chastity is a form of sexual denial or orgasm denial where a person is prevented from stimulation or access to their genitals. Typically this is done by means of a device  that prevents contact and is locked granting the partner access with a key.
   
    Its pretty common knowledge that most men are driven by their sexual drive.. by their penis.  A man can be very charming, caring, considerate, and attentive to a woman (or man) when they are trying to gain her help in achieving an orgasm (the hunt).  Often, all too often, once they have caught the prey (had an orgasm)  they put those hunting qualities back in their perspective boxes and tuck them away until they yet again need them to fulfill a sexual urge.  I can't tell you how many women I've counseled over the years who say their husbands never even touch them unless it's because he's horny.  How they never get complimented or get help around the house unless their man wants something in return... it's sad but in all honesty it's just the way men are wired.  It's how their chemical structure is made up.  

      When he is in chastity however, his sexual energy is quite different... as if he's always on the hunt but never acquiring the prey.  Those hunting qualities and characteristics are quite prevalent a majority of the time... because the one who has control of their chastity is in complete control... and they have the power to give them the sexual release they so desire.  With that power a man is quite literally putty in your hands to be molded in any way you see fit. 




What Miss Manda enjoys.

      I'm going to get pretty open with you here for a moment readers...  I love, no seriously, love to drive a man completely insane with sexual desire and then leave him wanting.  I have always been a major tease. To watch him squirm is unbelievably sexy.  I want a man to desire Me, to lust after Me, to get aroused and know that he's not allowed to even touch himself without My permission (chastity).   I've not used an actual chastity device in the past however, because I enjoy the look of a penis plug with a glans ring.  I like that it adds to the arousal instead of hindering it.  It's like that little kick in the balls after they are already blue... to know Mistress has just increased your arousal by a hundred percent yet (with the plug) and will take amusement from the situation without allowing release unless She so desires. 
 
       I've been asked 'how can you trust your submissive/slave not to masturbate and cum when you're not around without some sort of chastity device?'   The truth, I can't.  A man is a man is a man.  He can't help that he is a slave to his penis.  Again, it's hardwired into his DNA.  It puts pressure on a man to know that he must be self disciplined in that area, of his orgasms, in the way you want him to. 
     So, say I have brenden as a slave... I get him a penis plug and order him that he's not even allowed to touch his cock (as is stated in Mistress Manda's Rules) without direct permission.   A week later he's wearing the plug and has some dirty thought run through his mind.  His arousal begins and the urethra tightens it's grip on the plug adding to his arousal almost instantly.  He's now thinking 'I'm aroused, this plug feels damn good and I can't touch Myself without Mistress' say so.... Damn it all to hell.'  He knows the plug will add to his orgasm making it even more intense yet he can't even touch himself... the poor sap.  He's now hard as a rock and if in public, quite embarrassed that it's possibly visible to passers by... he's almost humiliated and thinking of his Mistress... of Me.  Now that, to Me, is pure amusement and joy!  Poor brenden is in bondage mentally and it's heightened by the fact he knows he has no physical bondage to prevent him from being disobedient.  His true desire to please Me must take precedence at this point over his own urges and longings. 




I don't often promote certain products or companies but there is one on this very topic that I will gladly do so with.

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 There is a 15% off permanent code for any sized order. The code is FET.  Use it during the checkout process, click apply, and viola!!   I promise you, you will not be disappointed with your order.

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         If you, yes you reader, have any questions you'd like answered or any topics you'd like Me to discuss or rant on please feel free to email Me at 

 MistressAmandaCrystine@gmail.com. 

  

Winning and Losing in Love.

       I was chatting with brenda today and this quote came up.  I have heard it before but didn't really stop to think about it until she asked if I thought it was true.  Haha... like I don't already over analyze everything.   So I had to stop a minute and think about it.   I asked Rob if he thought it true and of course got the answer I'm sure most would say... Hell yes.   It wasn't enough for Me though... is it true really?  Not only is it talking about love, which is such a wide word to use, but the wording of winning and losing is always relative to Me.  One can win while they lose and lose while they win... 

     It's true yes that you should hold NOTHING back.  I completely agree with that.  I have learned in My life that when things are held back massive regrets are had.  I don't like to live with regrets and avoid them at all costs.  If there is ever a 'what if' moment... I will more often than not take it.  I just want to look back on My life one day saying 'Well, it didn't work but damn that was a wild ride'  rather than 'what if I'd just tried it?'   Especially if it's love we are talking about.  Any type of love... from motherly to friendly to romantic... if you're going to love do it with all you have.  Don't hold back.  Always tell people exactly how you feel and show them you mean it with action.

   As far as the impossible being only so if you don't give it a chance... that's true to an extent absolutely.  I implore you though, please don't try to sleep in a bed of vipers, breathe like fish under water, or jump from a building and fly.... the outcome won't be all that positive.   I will say though, that if you never try something (ok be smart about what's reasonable here to try... sleeping with vipers isn't reasonable.. be sane people, be sane.) you can't say it's impossible.  I would have told you 20 years ago that for Me to have a family with kids would be impossible.  (I was told My body couldn't have kids)... and here I am at 36 with a wonderful man and our blended family of 8 kids (5 I've given birth to).   You don't know if you can climb Mount Everest unless you try.  

   What bothers Me most about this quote is the 'You never lose by loving' aspect of it.  I don't believe that's necessarily true.  It all depends on how you're defining the word lose in the sentiment.  

     If the meaning of the sentiment is in you won't lose those you love... well I call bullshit.  I can attest from personal experience that's not the case.  I have loved deep and hard and still lost the one I love.... several times.  Look at My relationship with jonathan... I loved him.  I loved him more than I care to admit really.  he became such a vital part of My life.  A friend and companion, a lover and confidant, and so much more.  I did My damnest to try and show him how much I loved him over and over again yet it wasn't enough to make him want to work things out and stay.... it just wasn't.  I lost.  I have no regrets no, I loved as much as I could, but I still lost.  That's only one example.. what about when I lost a child?  I have had two miscarriages in My life.  One at only 10 weeks and one at 22 weeks... I've lost three babies... I loved them with every cell I had yet I lost them...   Loss is a part of life.  It happens.  We cannot hide from it or overcome it.  We cannot love people enough to keep from losing them.  What we can do is to love enough for no doubt to ever shadow anyone's brow that it's true. 

    If you're implying that at the end of the day you can be happy with yourself knowing you've done everything you can to love someone with all you are... oh I absolutely agree.  Completely.  It's how I live My life.  If I lay My head on My pillow at night and can think back to something I could have done or said to show My love more... I don't sleep well.  Those who are in My life for any extended period of time can attest to this... I tend to 'overlove'.  LOL.  Yes, I will say it often and show it every turn I can.  I get mushy gushy gooey even with friends.  I'm sure I drive them all insane at times but I do it for a reason.   If I die, today.  I would want those who were important in My life to know without a shadow of a doubt just how much they meant to Me.... not guess. 

    So, in My opinion, when you love you can lose. But if you love with all you have you've lived your life to the fullest.  You've done your best.... and any good coach in any sport will tell you... whether you win or lose the game doesn't matter as long as you do your best and play your heart out.. you're a winner.  So My friends, readers, and loved ones... love your heart out and you're a winner no matter what.

(Thank you brenda, you never cease to inspire Me to think deeply and examine Myself... you're honestly My best friend.  My life is so much greater just by having you in it)

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         If you, yes you reader, have any questions you'd like answered or any topics you'd like Me to discuss or rant on please feel free to email Me at 

 MistressAmandaCrystine@gmail.com. 

Behavior Modification

What is behavior modification?

     It's a method of replacing undesirable behaviors with more desirable ones using either positive or negative reinforcement.  In the world of psychology it's often quite successfully used to treat OCD, ADHD, phobias, bed-wetting, several different anxiety disorders, and other things.

     This idea originated from B.F. Skinner who introduced it to us in 1938 via his book, The Behavior of Organisms.  He believed that behavior could be shaped and molded by reinforcement or the lack thereof also known as operant conditioning.

     Positive reinforcement is one behavior modification technique.  It includes using rewards to encourage certain behaviors.  In behavior therapy, it is common for the therapist to draw up a contract with the client establishing the terms of the reward system.  ie...  If the mouse rings the bell a piece of cheese is dropped into his cage.

     Negative reinforcement is also used in behavior modification.  It uses a negative reinforcer to bring about certain behaviors. a response or behavior is strengthened by stopping, removing or avoiding a negative outcome or aversive stimulus.  ie...  A husband closes the toilet seat to avoid an argument with his wife (the argument is the negative outcome that's removed).

     Behavior modification can also discourage unwanted behavior with punishment.  People often mistake negative reinforcement with punishment.  In fact they are not at all the same thing. Negative reinforcement involves the removal of a negative condition in order to strengthen a behavior. Punishment, on the other hand, involves either presenting or taking away a stimulus in order to weaken a behavior. ie... when a child backtalks Mom, their phone is abruptly taken away for 24 hours. 

   Now, how does this translate to being a Mistress???

        Most who take on a submissive/slave have what is considered a training period.  As each Master/Mistress is different in their desires, wants, needs, likes, and dislikes they will train those who serve them in the way they want to specifically be served.  (whewwww that was a wordy sentence)   These behavior modifications are often used to do just that.  One, two, or all three can be used in training.  

        I Myself, use the three but tend to replace punishment with discipline.  However, I realize there are times I understand that a more severe punishment is due rather than a discipline. More often than not I particularly like to use the positive reinforcement method... it' just suits Me much more.  I will simply love you into obedience -winks-  (I suppose that's another blog topic... how to wear them down with love).  

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         If you, yes you reader, have any questions you'd like answered or any topics you'd like Me to discuss or rant on please feel free to email Me at 

 MistressAmandaCrystine@gmail.com.