Dusting off the Dirt...

There was an amazing moment when we met
The love and time I have shared with you
have all been; without regret...

In spite of the love.
I am painfully aware
That you are gone,
And no longer there.

You made up your mind and you went away..
I knew you would, it just wasn't right...
I'm the type though, that will never beg you to stay.
because at the end of this tunnel there is no more light.


Once trust is broken, I feel it can never again be...
So much of Me, I've invested in you.
You're moving on, from what just couldn't be...
Since the chance for amazing, you completely blew.

Our memories will continue to live in My heart,
As I wish you well, with your brand-new start.

Please, believe Me when I say
I will always remember you
Come What May


Saying goodbye is like falling off a bike. It's rough and hurts like hell.  Bruises, scratches, scrapes and tears abound.  Once you assess the damage done you dust yourself off, clean up, and get back on.  There might be a few tears shed but overall the enjoyment of the ride was well worth the fall and even though there's the potential it will happen again you don't give up, you don't leave your bike there... you swing your leg over it and begin to pedal again slowly, building up the momentum you had before.  

I said goodbye to My jonathan.  I've released him.  I've seen it coming for a while now... like that moment you're riding and you see the dip in the road, knowing you're going to hit it but hoping the damage won't be enough to knock your back wheel out of alignment at the wrong time to leave you wobbling just long enough to fall.  I tried to hold on and make it through but circumstances just didn't allow for it.  

I'm hurt, yes.  More than I care to show but life is life and it's for the living not the dead.  I've learned over the years I've been alive that if one isn't wanting to work it out and stick with Me for the long haul... if they aren't brave enough to weather every storm determining to come out the other side stronger for it... they don't deserve Me and I will never beg them to stay.  

I can say with all honesty however that I've yet to have a sub or slave released who hasn't come back to Me at some point and ask to be taken back in... I have only done that once and it proved not to be a wise decision on My part (I don't count the time with My brenda because she is just too dear to categorize here).   I will not do it again.  So when I say.... if you walk away you walk away... I mean it with all that I am.  

I wish jonathan well in life and I ask you, dear readers, to do the same.   My pain isn't the only pain in this ending I'm aware.. he suffers his own sort.  I hope he finds what he's searching for.... and if one day he wakes up to realize what he was searching for... what he needed... was at his fingertips but he let it slip away, that will be his pain again.  That in itself is enough.  

So now, amidst the cloud of dirt and dust that swirls about Me after the fall, as I asses the damage done and prioritize life once again.  As I clean My bruises and cry for the hurt.... a small light glimmers just outside the cloud.  You all know I don't believe in Fate but perhaps... just perhaps the fall was only preparing Me for something greater that I'd not have seen had I been whizzing by riding contentedly.  Perhaps as I dust the dirt away and stand, the sun will shine and illuminate a path I'd not yet noticed till now....