Today's blog doesn't really have anything to do with BDSM but some personal insights into a struggle I'm currently fighting within Myself. It's a touchy subject for many so if I get tons of hate email after I will not flinch much.
When I was a child My mother took us to church to see My grandparents. I grew up in the church. Many different denominations; everything from church of God to baptist. As I got older I did the church thing Myself, even ended up being a pastor's wife. In My mid twenties I began to research other religions, basically for psychological purposes and studies. I enjoy the learning of what others believe and why. It's fascinating to be honest, the vast array of religions and beliefs. Even atheism itself is a type of belief...a belief in nothing.
I have struggled with it for a very long time because while I was raised to believe in the God of the Bible and I do to an extent... I also believe that quantum physics and the string theory are very plausible. I believe the Wicca religion is pretty on par (I could see Myself being Wiccan)... and I Myself enjoy being worshipped as a Goddess.
So you see, the struggle I've had between the different belief systems... is it possible and viable to live all three? A new religion of the three blended to become Amandaism??? I have to laugh because even the thought of it goes entirely against everything that the God of the Bible teaches yet it's oh so very alluring and intoxicating.
I think everyone has their own spiritual journey they must travel and I don't judge anyone (unless they are harming people in the name of their god.. no matter what god that may be). I know there are absolute truths out there but I don't believe any particular person or group has found it yet. Life itself is designed never to allow us to find the absolute in most anything..... even ourselves as we are ever changing and growing.
I can tell you what I DONT believe.... those things I have down fairly well. What I'm still searching for is what I DO believe in fully... that I can live by completely. Then again perhaps there isn't any belief out there, religious wise, that I can stake My life on. Who knows? Maybe that's the biggest mystery of all life, one we don't know till it's too late.
Anyway, this was just a ramble on something I've been again thinking about as of late. Perhaps the accident shook Me up enough, again, to bring the thoughts to the surface.
What I DO know and always have is that life is precious. Life is short. Living and surviving are two different things and I choose to live. I choose to be happy and enjoy this life I've got. I might not be everyone's cup of tea but to those who count and who love Me I am the damn leaf the tea is made of -winks and chuckles-
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