Fuck you

    I've no doubt in My mind that we evolve and adapt every day to the things around us.  Our character grows with each passing moment we breathe.  Our likes, dislikes, needs, and desires change like that of the tides washing upon the shore. Even our chemistry is altered through contact with the world around us.  It's natural and beautiful to watch the life of one become what it is and wonder where it will go.

     I Myself often reflect on where I've been and where I want to yet travel.  The last three weeks, while I was away from the blog, I did just that.  Examined Myself, assessed My emotions and motivations then cleared the webs and restructured them (you'll understand that metaphor much better if you read My blog on how men and women think).  

    I have to say I was carrying around some bitterness and anger. I don't believe in harboring either anger or bitterness because it's only detrimental to the one carrying it. I will say that sometimes closure is hard to come by and leaves things a bit unsettled for a while but in the end it's no excuse not to let things go.   I won't name names or point anything out but I've been rather hurt by a few individuals over the last several months and I had enough.... I hung up the blog, quit responding to emails and messages, and just walked away from things entirely to lick My wounds and heal.

   I don't care for pity parties or whiny babies so I will not give them Myself.  I will say My piece however, to get it off My chest, out there, and allow for some sort of personal closure.

   To the one who said the words 'I love you' then left because it was too difficult... Fuck you.  You toyed with My emotions as a woman, a Mistress, and a person.  You broke My heart in a way I've not let it open for anyone to break in many many years... Shame on you.  I'd say I wish you well but in truth I don't, not at all.  I hope your life is miserable for a long time, that you feel the pain I felt... I want you to be in misery and anguish for hurting Me.  One day, I would love to have you find Me and tell Me how wretched life was without Me, how you regretted every day you lived knowing you had heaven at your fingertips yet let it go because you were a coward just so I can laugh in your face, tell you how wonderful My life was without you and dismiss you like the garbage you are.

   To those who are around merely for convenience.... Fuck you.  I don't need friends of convenience.  My time is precious and wasting it on those who only need entertainment when you're bored isn't what I want to spend it on.  

  And to anyone who doesn't like what I have to say on any matter.... well here's some sign language for you.

                                     ,,l,          ,l,,

Prolonged Exposure

    Have you ever met one of those people who just seem to have a few screws loose?  A few fries short of a happy meal?  Perhaps a crayon missing from their box or even a few marbles they've dropped?  You know, those people that for all intense purposes seem to be great but they are just lacking in the common sense department for some strange reason?  Prolonged exposure to gamma rays possibly?   Oh but if only senselessness could be considered a superpower, we'd have more hero's than we would know what to do with...lol.  
    Now, I don't always equate book smarts with being intelligent.  I know plenty who have had a 4.0 gpa or high IQ who still seem to have very little common sense whatsoever.  Then, I've met some people who have a lower IQ or didn't even graduate High School yet their lives are lived with wisdom and care.   To be completely honest I value common sense or 'street smarts' over academic intelligence any day.  
     I do enjoy a good intellectual conversation but I don't for a moment think that simply because you have some degree or academic trophy behind your name that you are superior to those who don't.  As much as I relish in a good debate over quantum physics and the law of attraction if we cannot talk about the football game I just missed (I seriously need cable during football season) or the way the sound the rain off a tin roof makes Me dream of lazy days reading when I was a child; then conversations with you will not be lengthy or frequent.  
   And for goodness sakes if you don't know to look both ways before crossing, put on a jacket when it's cold, tie your shoes so you don't trip, or that you should ask if I want to see your naked self before just sending a random photo of your asshole up close and personal.... take a step back and rethink wanting to associate with Me, please.
  My warning to all of you out there who run into a person with a clear lack of common sense... and please take a mental note.  Shit, forget the mental note, write this across some blinking yellow tape and carry it around... do NOT play with these people.  The whole safe 'sane' and consensual goes right out the window with those who have no common sense. 

I'm currently in the process of transitioning this blog into a website all it's own.  Well, alright, I'm looking for someone to help Me do just that.  I'd like to make it more professional with the ability to add video logs (vlogs) and other content as well. 

The Art of Sound

Auralism (the art of sound) is a fetish defined as being sexually aroused or excited by sound.  

    Sound is beautiful.  It moves us as humans to 'feel' our emotions at a heightened state.  For those, like Myself, it's even more than that.

    I tend to be quite 'turned on' by sound.  I can't quite tell you why but certain sounds just flip a switch and make My libido come to attention.  I'm drawn in by sound, which is more than likely why I love music so much.  


 Don't believe me? Let's experiment... seriously, take a few minutes in the next 24 hours to do some exercisers and experiments with me...

1. Watch a horror movie with no sound... is it scary still?

2. What about porn? Watch one with no sound.... still turn you on? (well it would to a degree, visual stimuli is the most effective stimuli for arousal)

3. Turn on a piece of music, any piece, sit back close your eyes and let the melodies carry you where they will... what happened?

4. Now turn off the music.. turn everything off, sit in the silence, the quiet.... you'll find there's a sound of silence, quite refreshing and yet terrifying for so many at the same time.


    Sound has the power to move us in many ways but I want to discuss more in depth about how it auditory arousal heightens sexual pleasure during sex.

      Let me speak from my own personal experience here... I've always known I've been auditory aroused.   Music of all genres can put Me in a very erotic mood. A soft whisper of My name, the quiet beat of a heart, the whimpers of a submissive who cannot hold back an orgasm any longer, the guttural growl when they finally are allowed to succumb to the need to release, or the soft panting of letdown/aftercare; are some of the sounds that have the power to turn this woman into a soaking wet mess...

      I absolutely love to be read to. A sure way to keep Me around is to read an erotic novel to me while we cuddle.... it never ever fails. It's not the words themselves, even though words have always held this Domme captive, it's the soft inflections of the reader's voice as they do read.... it takes on a life inside my head that is like no other.

         Our sense of Hearing gets the short end of the stick when it comes to fetishes built around it.... so I will proudly stand and say.. I'm an auralism kinkster. I have an auditory fetish.

Over the next 24 hours truly experiment with sound and  take mental note of the sounds that stimulate you. I bet it's more than you ever realized. If you care to comment here, tell me what sounds turn you on?

Treasure Keeper

The thing is, I don't see anyone as worthless.  No one is a mistake.  Each person on this planet has value.  Each are amazing in their own way.  So for Me to be degrading to a person just isn't logical or at all in My nature.  I could never treat someone like they are nothing more than a piece of furniture... oh yes, I could use a person as a piece of furniture from time to time... shit I do that in vanilla life (leaning against a friend in a movie, laying My legs across My kids lap on the sofa etc)  but I can't ever see Myself treating a person less than the treasure they are.  

 That's not to say I can't delve out humiliation or embarrassment to a degree to help a submissive/slave grow.  I can and will do it from time to time (mostly mental rarely physical).  In that though, there is a purpose... it's to help them grow not to belittle them.  

   Making someone step out of their comfort zone stretches them.  Trust Me, I've had to do it several times in My own  life.... it's growth in a very uncomfortable way.  That growth, is what I enjoy to see.   I have no qualms about helping someone grow in their character, strength, and self awareness.... actually that is My goal with any and every submissive I ever take in.  It's a nurturing and guiding role. 

  That can be anything from exploring one's own body to being adventurous and trying new things.  (you don't know you don't like it until you try it).  If I've a submissive who is shy I might task them with masturbating in the bathroom stall of a public place (of course I'd build up to it over several weeks though),  Start simple conversation with someone at the grocery store or sporting event,  or sing karaoke at the local bar.  It doesn't have to and most likely won't always be kinky.  Actually, let Me just say for the record that if you ONLY want kinky tasks.... I'm not your Gal.  I work in the mental and emotional side of D/s... the kink is just the fun on the side. 

   The point is that those under My collar are treasures. Priceless gems I hold ever so dear.  I will spend every moment I can making them more than they thought they could be and showing them their worth.  It's what I do, it's who I am.  

I'm the treasure Keeper. 

Spent

   Sliding down in My chair I look across the room to where you're precariously perched.  You don't notice Me, too busy entertaining the other guests you've all around you.  I sit, ignoring the rest of the party as I watch you for what seem hours.  Taking note of your every move, every laugh, and every smile. 
    
     A nice looking man, or so I think from the small glimpse of the corner of My eye, leans in to start a conversation but I quickly brush him off, not allowing My focus to wander anywhere from you.  Simply watching you is all the enjoyment I need for the moment.

     Then, you turn My way, ever so slightly.  Your smile spreads as your cheeks turn a rosy pink color... your eyes give you away.  You've known I was watching and displayed yourself in such a way to hold Me captive intentionally.  With that knowledge I give a playful wink and watch as your rosy cheeks become crimson.  Looking away you again entertain the group of people around you, as I can see you're clearly good at.  

     They too are held captive by you.  Drawn to your charisma, your grace, and your beauty that clearly well from deep within and spill forth.... These same qualities are what I've come to love about you.  I though, get to keep you even when they've all gone home.

      Slightly chuckling I stand, catch your eye, and wink again before walking into the room beside us to refresh My drink.  I don't look back but know that the second wink made you giddy because I hear the giggle escape your lips as I round the corner and that makes Me smile a cocky little smile, rather more like a soft smirk.

       Another few hours pass as I do My part in entertaining our guests.  Chatting, answering questions, listening to other's stories, and even giving a few pats to their asses.  Occassionally I smile in your direction with a look that you've seen many times before.... a look that both excites and melts.  

       You know I want you... you know I will have you.  The night has been long, the entertaining exhausting, but I will not let you rest until your body has been completely spent by pleasure.  You will not sleep this night until you've no energy left to even utter the words..

    'Thank You, Mistress'

And Poof....

I don't know if you've noticed or not but I'm a BDSM Mistress... I know, shocking right? And here I thought I was writing about rainbows, unicorns, and barbie dolls all this time.  Well shit, guess the cat is out of the bag.  -pulls flogger from bag-  or well the flogger is out of the bag anyway -winks-

  Ha ha no really, I am so grateful for an outlet like this blog to share My experiences with those who are interested enough to read.  Perhaps it is simply entertainment of some sort, a fresh look into the lifestyle, an idea board, or even a conversation starter for your significant other... whatever the reason you are here reading this, I thank you. 

  So there's this guy... I'll call him... Chris.  Yeah that works. lol.

   Chris is a 27 year old boy scout.  He is cute, sweet, and eager.  That proverbial puppy...  We'd been talking off and on for a while as he was interested in being a submissive of Mine.  In the course of our talking I learned he grew up in the church, was still a virgin, and attempting to live this life secretly.  He'd started once before but quit because he felt guilty.... -palmface-   But was ready now, to embrace his true nature.

   In the course of this talk so many red flags went off I couldn't honestly get too invested yet his story intrigued Me.  There is something deviously wicked about taking a little christian boy scout and making him My bitch that just makes My lady bits tingle with excitement.

   I'm honestly, this sweet easy going and tender woman normally.... I swear... lol. 

   Anyway, Chris vanished... completely vanished.  His profiles on CS and FL both erased.  His kik gone.  Just poof....    I shrugged it off knowing his family is probably keeping him in line and the guilt again consumed him.   Then just as suddenly he reappeared apologizing for the vanish and asking to resume talk... again, I knew not to get invested but the draw of making this 'good boy' worship Me was entirely too appealing to simply be the bitch I can be.   After a week of talking again... and assigning him some simple tasks (which he did without hesitation) I woke up this morning to find yet again his profiles are gone and his kik non-responsive. 
   
   Once was too many so this time I deleted and blocked the motherfucker (where I could anyway).  I had fun though, while he was around a bit, so no hard feelings.... well other than I hope some woman screws with him some day.  I hope she leads him on, gets his little dick as hard as it's ever been then just grabs her things, turns and walks away without a word uttered.   Maybe even leaving him tied up naked for his family to find.... yeah, that's what I hope for him.

I have a Huge Fucking Platter

   One question I get over and over again even in the vanilla world is how I do it... how do I manage such a large family, schooling, working, and still have Me time?   In fact, I'm quite often criticized for 'having too much on My plate'. 

   Well, let Me tell you, I don't have the average size plate to put things in My life on... I have a huge fucking Platter. lol.   Time management and prioritizing are the tools to making sure that platter doesn't tip.  

    Time, as I've said before, is precious.  I use My time wisely or well, as wisely as any Demi-Goddess can -winks-

       My kids are always priority number one.... if and when they need Mom time they get it.  Help getting ready, with homework, a shoulder, an ear, or just some good ole fashioned fun time... I'm never skimpy with My time when it comes to them.  After all, they are the legacy I leave when I do leave this world.  Granted, being Mom is always time consuming I have absolutely wonderful children who are independent like their mother and I expect them to be... so I'm NOT one of these mom's who spends every waking hour cleaning up after them, doting over them, or revolving life around them.  One day, albeit entirely too soon, they will grow up and move on with their own lives... Knowing this I don't focus My entire life on them... it would be silly to.  I have to spend time on My own life, and the lives of all those around Me I love.  I've seen women who have no idea who they are or what they will do once their children go off to college.... I will not ever be one of them.  Besides, it teaches My children that it's possible to love someone without losing yourself while doing it, which I think is one of the most important lessons to learn ever.

     Rob, My fiance', My cake, is priority number two... When he is home or when he needs/wants My time I am there.  I'm fortunate though, that Rob knows what kind of person I am and his personality lines up with that.... neither of us need too much time together to understand and know we love each other.  Neither of us are clingy or needy in that department. It's quality not quantity and we always enjoy our quality time together.  

     Everything and everyone else come in third.... there is a time and place for all.  When I'm doing schooling (often at 3 am because I can't sleep... which is another perk in My life... insomnia is a bitch but it does allow Me to get many things done while you beautiful folk are sleeping) I often will read comments from My blog, messages from FL or CS, or emails.   (it saves My brain too, from melting in overload).    And there it is... the answer.  I multitask like a madwoman.  lol.    I can write My blog, do laundry, read emails, and chit chat all at once.

   I've only once had someone tell Me they felt neglected or that I wasn't giving them enough attention... I'm not saying I don't sometimes fail or get 'narrow minded or focused on one thing to get it done'.... you should see My house when I'm into a really good book.  It's like a tornado went through it because I will not put the book down.  lol.   When someone needs time 'like when My dad was in the hospital and I was at his side' I'm there and all others take a back seat for the time.  But again, everything has it's time and place.  

    I like My routines, they allow Me to move freely in life.  They build the foundation to build My busy life on and without them I tend to go insane.  Time management becomes ingrained in the lives of those who live around Me when they adjust to My routines... Not that every single day looks like the day before or that things don't spontaneously happen (lol... I  surprised My girls today and went to the school today with pizza for lunch... Not only giving Me some good fun time with them but winning Me some "cool Mom"  points ) but when the base routines are laid down there is an ease of movement in between the walls of the structure. 

    So pardon Me if you are jealous that I have a full life and enjoy every moment of it.  I work damn hard at keeping it running smoothly.  There are always little bumps in the road along the way but the ride is so very worth it.  Who says I should only have part of a life... I want it all!!

Riddle Me this Batman!!

1. What goes in dry and hard but comes out wet and soft?


2.  What is at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?


3.  What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years? 


4.   Poke your fingers in my eyes and I will open wide my jaws. Linen cloth, quills, or paper,
 my greedy lust devours them all. What am I?


5.   What belongs to you but others use it more than you do?


6.    I am the beginning of sorrow, and the end of sickness. You cannot express happiness without me, yet I am in the midst of crosses. I am always in risk, yet never in danger. You may find me in the sun, but I am never out of darkness.


7.    Which word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly? 


8.    Imagine you are in a dark room. How do you get out? 


9.   What is always coming but never arrives? 


10.    You approach two talking doors. One door leads to the City of Truth, while the other door leads to the City of Liars. You do not know which door is which. You are able to ask only one question to determine which door is which. The door that leads to the City of Liars always speaks lies, while the door that leads to the City of Truth always speaks the truth. You want to go to the City of Truth. What question do you ask to determine which door leads to the City of Truth?

Submissively Seeking Self Pleasure.

To submissives...

     My goal as a Dominant is not to fuel your every fantasy.  It's not to serve you or make sure you're every whim is satisfied.  I don't sit around all day plotting ways to make your life easier, fuller, or more erotic nor is it My duty to entertain you.  Actually, isn't that your job?  As a submissive those are exactly the things that you should be doing for Me.

    Everyone has needs and desires. It's a fact of life.  In My own opinion, the submissive of a D/s relationship often forfeits their own needs and desires to see to it that the Dominant is satisfied, happy, and served.   That's not always the case, of course but it does happen.  The nature of a true submissive is that they are indeed satisfied simply by the fact that the one they serve is pleased.  Now, hear Me here... I'm not saying that a submissives needs aren't important.  If you are under My collar I do My best to make sure your needs are met along with My own.  However, I'm NOT your fantasy genie.  If you can't serve putting aside your own desires for Mine, then you're out of your fucking mind if you think I will cater to you.  

     I'm so dreadfully tired of meeting submissives (both male and female but mostly male) who will only serve if their desires are being met.  For instance.... I have a friend who keeps asking for a simple picture of the soles of My feet (yeah he's a foot guy).  It's a simple thing no big deal.. but when he asked I told him I wouldn't do it until he did something for Me first.  It was funny really, a joke of sorts between friends... but now I stand by it merely on principal.  I asked him to take a picture perving the produce in a grocery store... nothing that would warrant too much attention or be unhealthy... shit it could be him kissing a gord.  Simple and funny... to amuse Me.  That was a few months ago and I've still yet to see a picture (of course so does he).   Another example... I had a submissive once who LOVED to do kinky things for Me... wear panties, sure no problem.  Put in a penis plug, absolutely.  Go to the store to by ribbon and tell the cashier it's for his Mistress to tie him up, yup done with delight.   But when I tasked him with a video... a simple silly karoake type video where he's being goofy, dressed up, and lip singing to some song for My amusement.... ohhhh it's impossible to do.  Just impossible.  It's too embarrassing and didn't feed his own desires so he never did it.  Then he wasn't a submissive long after that either.   

  Submission, in the Webster's Dictionary, is defined as the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.  Miss Manda's definition... surrendering  control of your life to another.   That means you do what they want you to do when they want you to do it... not only when it serves your own purpose.  

   So, in conclusion... submissives, if you are ONLY in this to have your own self pleased read this, and keep on swimming... I'm NOT the Mistress for you nor am I going to even be a good friend.   I'm a selfish bitch who likes things My way.