Idiocracy at its Best.

    People are great.  I genuinely like people and interacting with them, very much a 'people person'.   However, just as I believe everyone has the potential within them to be great so do they have the potential to be royal douchebag fuckeries.   I've met My share of great people and I've met more than My fair share of complete idiots.

    Yesterday I received a message on Fet from one person who obviously climbed out of the shallow end of the gene pool when he was sludging out of the primordial ooze. (side note: I don't believe in evolution but love the term 'primordial ooze'  it's just fun to say)  Perhaps he was off stroking his tiny dick when God was passing out intelligence and thus missed the chance to get a functioning brain entirely. 
      Either way, male chauvinist idiots surely do make My blood boil like no other.  I'm no 'feminist', actually as much good the 'feminist movement' has done has been equaled if not surpassed by the harm they've done as well.   Look around, yes women have rights (thank goodness cause if I 'had' to be subservient to some man... god help the world) but the way women were treasured, cared for, cherished, and treated has  been diminished beyond what words can convey.   When a man will not 'hold the door open for a woman because he's afraid she will bite his head off in her desire to be 'equal' is abhorrent.  No, women are NOT equal to men... I don't want to be equal.  We are different.   Men are stronger physically where we women are stronger emotionally and most often mentally.  Men are more logical where women are more emotional (and being emotional is NOT a bad or wrong thing).   Men compartmentalize where women weave a web of thought and feelings that cannot be undone.  All men have a basic need to be respected where all women have a basic need to be cherished and loved.  (these are general... there are always exceptions to the rule)  There is a difference... we are not equal.  To be completely honest women were thought of on a higher plane than men were, superior in many ways... they were treated as queen's, goddesses, and treasures.  Now however, women are objectified more than anything.  This is due in large to the feminist movement as well as the growing sexual revolution (sex has always objectified women... hence female full nudity is always alright where male full nudity is taboo still)
     But before I get too far into this let Me simply allow you to read the message for yourself.

No such thing as a female domme only...

weak minded men who have a need to feel inferior to women out of deep seeded maternal issues or fantasies.
Only women that like to portray being dominant over a man or other women is a women with deep seeded father issues and/or self esteem issues.

A man is naturally physically stronger than a woman only the weak would set to off balance that human nature.
What say you on that fact?

    I have thought long and hard on how to respond to this... come up with many many an 'argument' in the defense against women inferior to men in some way and the offense that that men who submit to a woman are in no way weak.  The thoughts, anger, and downright outrage have passed however, and instead I will simply send this reply.

    My dear confused man,
              I would argue your points and opinions but I've long since learned that arguing with someone over an 'opinion' they have never gets far.  We all have our beliefs due to our circumstances in life, our child rearing, and our dispositions.  One can not be argued out of ignorance.  
              Instead I will simply give you a personal first hand account in My own life to the 'points' you've made.  
              I have been dominant from a very young age.  Always taking the attention and affection of those I wanted.  Making My own decisions.  Not relying on anyone or anything to make Myself happy or satisfied.  I genuinely adore people and love having them in My life but in no way do I 'need' them to be complete.  Those in My life are there because I WANT them to be.
              I am a strong willed, self reliant, determined woman who knows what she wants and knows how to get it.  I have not had one father but three.  Three men who have loved Me in My life and who I am proud to be daughter of.  I have NO 'father issues'... I never have.   Being a dominant person has nothing to do with such things anyway.  It's actually just a part in one's DNA, it's who a person is as much as their blue eyes or long nose.  It's woven into the fabric of one's existence.   So is the characteristic of being submissive.  It's woven into a persons chemistry.  The fact that it is a woman being dominant or a male being submissive has no bearing on any 'mommy or daddy issues'...So those points that you've made are irrelevant.
              I quite agree with you, however, that men are physically stronger (generally as I do know some women body builders who could tear you from limb to limb with their bare hands).  Again, it's something about the chromosomes that one contains that makes them physically strong and the Y chromosome does just that... it gives a male more testosterone, in turn, making them more 'manly' and physically stronger (among other things).  
             In agreeing with you on that point, however, I must add that simply because one has the desire to serve in NO WAY makes them weak (emotionally nor physically).  Actually I find it quite the opposite.  A man who is willing to set aside his pride, his ego, and his 'right' as a man to serve a woman he deems worthy is stronger than most.  Not only does he have an acute awareness of his own masculinity and a confidence in it he also has the intelligence and emotional stability to allow a woman that control.  
              You see, dear lickmynutzufag, dominance nor submission is based on gender.  So the entire message you've sent is irrelevant and invalid.  I wish you luck in your path in life, genuinely hoping that you're able to learn the difference in an opinion and facts. 
            

Internet and BDSM

         The average woman is using personal technology (ie, the internet) to access BDSM erotica hoping to broaden her sexual horizons and bring out her inner kink goddess, while the average porn star is using conventional social media hoping to make herself and her profession appear as mundane as possible. Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, it is undeniable that technology is allowing, if not actually compelling, the normalization of sexual differences in mainstream culture – and based on the public’s reception of such activities, the ultimate goal of societal acceptance may not be as unattainable as once thought.

        If you search for the accronym BDSM in google this is what you see at the top of the page...

About 63,200,000 results

        That is astonishing, truly impressive.  I'm not saying that all those results are good, informative, or correct but it clearly shows just how easy it is to access and learn about this community we are part of.   

Wow, this is short.. but it's Friday and the kids are just home...  

BDSM in MUSIC!!!!!!

This is the most fun blog of the week for Me... I LIVE on music.  I'm not joking... I may be a movie whore, but music... music is the essence of My life.  There isn't a moment some form of it isn't playing (even if it's simply in My own head).  It's been that way for as long as I can remember... as a five year old I remember My memaw making all My uncles watch My 'performances'... lol, they still pick on Me for that today.   I don't do 'performances' anymore, unless you can catch Me absently singing as I clean, shower, or get lost in a song.... if you ever do, let Me apologize now.  I don't have the best ability to carry a tune -shakes My head laughing-  Seriously, I don't.  Anyway, let's dive in shall we?  If I've posted a link to a clip please watch it... it's for a reason that it's there.

There are SOOOOO Many refrences to BDSM in music that most vanilla's don't even realize... so let's just have some fun.  If I miss one of your favorites, you can add it to the comments.

Eurythmics "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" may be the most well-known popular song with BDSM connotations, primarily due to the music video

 Industrial Music, in general, likely has the most BDSM themes, as well as being one of the biggest influences. Rammstein is one of those industrial bands, as their song "Ich Tu Dir Weh (I hurt you)" is about BDSM. Depeche Mode Are known for their BDSM undertones, among their songs are "Master and servant" as well as "In your room"

 Other famous songs/bands with BDSM themes include:
 Adam and the Ants "Whip in My Valise"
 Green Day "Blood Sex and Booze" and "Dominated Love Slave"
 Nickelback "Figured You Out"
 Lords of Acid "Power is mine", Strung Out "Ultimate Devotion"
 Nine Inch Nails "Closer" and "Sin"
 Rihanna  "S&M"
 Guns 'n' Roses' "Pretty Tied Up"
 Boondox "Freak Bitch"
 Blue Öyster Cult "Dominance and Submission"
 The Plasmatics "Black Leather Monster" and "Sex Junkie"
 Frank Zappa "Carolina Hardcore Extacy"
 2 Live Crew "S and M"
 Christina Aguilera  "Not Myself Tonight"
 30 Seconds to Mars' "Hurricane"  
 Brittney Spears ''Slave''
 Jace Everett  "Bad Things" (theme song of the TV series True Blood) 

Oh gosh darn this list could go on and on... I just can't NOT find music with BDSM undertones or mentions.... So I'll end it here... with a special focus on a few more songs

From the viewpoint of of the submissive: 

     Nedra Johnson's "Alligator Food"

     Lady Gaga  "Teeth" (ok but GaGa does an amazing video here... BDSM,        gay porn, and vampires...gahhh instant orgasm for Me. lol)

     Natasha Bedingfield ''Pocket full of Sunshine'' (thank you brenda for the info on this song... after listening to it a few times yesterday after we talked about it I quite agree... and on a side note... I will take you away often My love)

From the viewpoint of the Dominant:
     Adam Lambert  "For Your Entertainment," 
     Puddle of Mudd's "Control
     Madonna  "Erotica"
     Unknown Hinson  ''baby let's play rough''

And The one dominant song that I think BEST suits Me.. This could quite literally be My own personal theme song....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KSOMA3QBU0

Choose carefully cause I'm capable of everything and anything... I'm magic.

If you dare to be with Me... the perfect storm... I'll take you and there's no going back.

I will make you soar, fill every desire and fantasy but I will not play around... it's all or nothing.

I'm sweet as sugary pie but you hurt Me and you will regret it.  

I will become your addiction.... and from this addiction there will be no cure, no salvation, no going back.

 

Literature

      As you may know, BDSM mainstream fiction is somewhat limited. There was the classic Story of O written by a French submissive for her Dom.  Then there was Nine 1/2 Weeks by a woman whose real identity was never revealed. (The film version cut out out most of the BDSM and the novel was spoiled by the ending in which she ends up in a hospital.)
Then there was Laura Reese who wrote two very good books called Panic Snap and Topping from Below.  There's the Sleeping Beauty series written by Anne Rice under the name A.N. Roquelaure.
Oh, and don't forget The Marketplace, a series of novels by Laura Antoniou.

If you google BDSM fiction, there are many more but the ones I mentioned have gotten the most attention

    If you've not heard of the widely spread phenomenon of 50 Shades of Grey then you must have been living under some sort of rock the last few years (can I climb in there with you?)
It's unbelievable to Me, how a trilogy of novels that started out as Twilight fan-fiction became such a huge bestseller.  It has made BDSM more acceptable, a bit, to millions of lonely bored housewives across the country... which isn't altogether bad.
      Women are saying reading the book is rekindling their interest in intimacy. One morning on The Today Show, I watched a  soccer mom insist the book had reignited her sex life with her husband. What could be bad about that?
The books are so successful, that they’ve spawned an increase in sex toy sales, and some hardware store owners are having a tough time keeping cotton rope (used by Christian Grey to tie up Anastasia in the book) on the shelves. You see, handsome billionaire Grey, the title character, is into BDSM. 

      A mother of two who says she wrote the books to put her own fantasies on paper, James has said that she didn’t expect such success. How could she? This is the stuff of authors’ dreams. Not only fame, but just think of the royalty checks James is cashing.

Wait a minute while I calm my imagination and my racing heart...

      Alright, while it's unbelievable how the books got their start and how they've skyrocketed in sales... the actual content of the book is deplorable in My opinion...  First it's just poorly written, very poorly written.   I won't go into detail but this book truly does more harm and good. It's like the book  "The Philadelphia Incident," a real-life instance where a young woman entered into a submissive relationship with an older dominant man, and was forced into oral sex against her will. The BDSM community split in its reaction: Some called it rape, others blamed the victim. (I always blame the Top.. yes bottoms need to be well knowledgeable about what they are getting into but the Top is the most responsible in any relationship... they are the ones held accountable)
It is important to have ground rules, and to trust the person with whom you're BDSMing--there's no acknowledgement of the importance of safety, respect, or rules in Fifty Shades of Grey. Given this is the first introduction many people will have to our lifestyle, it could be promoting an unhealthy, and potentially dangerous, attitude.

      I tell people, who've read it and enjoyed it... to dig deeper.  Research BDSM, talk to people who are truly in the community. Learn what it truly is. Walking into ANYTHING blindly is absurd.   

(on a sidenote to yesterday's blog... My sweet, there are several that didn't make the cut.. some that are truly good too.  Blue Velvet, Eyes Wide Shut, 9 1/2 Weeks, Tokyo Decadance,  The Night Porter, Pulp Fiction, Bound,  Even My all time favorite musical... My fair Lady -I'm saving the explanation to that for a later blog-  There are so many scenes in so many movies I didn't want to put them all in, but I've seen just about ALL of them in My lifetime)

Dominatrices or BDSM in Movies

I'm soooooo very excited today to do this.  I can't tell you how many films I love or detest due to the nature of the BDSM in them.  I am, admittedly, a movie whore.  LOL.  I love movies.  They are the visualization of novels (which I'd prefer to read a novel but movies have the one thing a novel doesn't... SOUND).  For a little less than two hours (roughly)  a movie can transport you away from everything and set you down in the shoes of another character.  If the score is done well and the script a good one I can often actually 'feel' part of the story.  So without further hesitation let's get to some of My favorite, and not so favorite movies.

Let's start with My favorite...

Secretary

 This film is one of those "gal with mental illness also is into BDSM" films which royally irritates Me. (not everyone in BDSM has a mental disorder)  Yet it's a good depiction of how the Dominant and submissive tend to draw one another without even knowing it.... it's a beautiful story of how true submission begins.


A Small Circle of Friends

 This film is a garden-variety coming of age flick, but it is also a positive portrayal of polyamory.  If you've not seen it, you should.


The story of O 

 I had high expectations of this film because of it's reputation, hopes which were dashed within the first 30 minutes. According to this film, the definition of BDSM is a combination of sex on demand by submissive females, and being whipped on the back and front (not safe). That's it, nothing else. This is an R rated film as well, so while we saw full frontal nudity of women, there wasn't any nudity of men, and no actual shots of sex of any sort or actual whipping. (still don't understand why full frontal is acceptable for women but not men... grrr) What you see is "O" being tossed around and yelling and moaning a lot. Of course she never exhibited any marks either, so it was frankly pretty difficult to believe any of it. There was zero character development on the part of any of the characters, and no overt consent of any sort and so I dub this film:  Worse than 50 shades... (and that's hard to do)


Preaching to the Perverted

Another of My favorites!!!! A novice employee of the British House of Commons is sent undercover to BDSM clubs in order to document illegal goings-on. It's a combination of Moulon Rouge and the Rocky Horror Picture Show, with highly stylized and theatrical BDSM happening on the club stage as well as in private. They did a good job of making it clear that all play was Safe, Sane and Consensual, but there were a few spots where you could tell the actors had not been properly coached in flogging technique. For example, a female Dominant hit her submissive's head with some kind of whip.(a big huge fucking fat no no)


Exit to Eden

I love to laugh... truly LOVE to laugh, so this movie is a gem for Me. This comedy/drama actually gives the scene fair treatment under the wisecracking narrator voice of Dominatrix-to-be Rosie O'Donnell. (who is quirky, irritating, and wonderful in every way. ps.. she breaks out in song like I do :P)This film is unquestionably BDSM-Lite. That is, there are a lot of fabulous outfits, beautiful toys, and gorgeous, well-toned male and female submissives, but not much in the way of actual scenes. The plot revolves around a resort a la Fantasy Island where all your BDSM fantasy dreams come true. 

There is one intimate scene between Mistress Lisa and Elliot which is moving, a nice spanking That said, the film respects our lifestyle in every way.

Don't miss the very cute first scene where we find out where Elliot got his start in childhood. 

My favorite line from the film is where Rosie O'Donnell's slave says "What can I do for you Mistress?" and she says "Paint my house!" ha ha ha.. classic!  

(the scene in the clip... still gives Me chills)

 Casino Royale

 I included this film because of the torture scene later in the film.  I personally don't like to inflict much cock & balls torture (CBT) but sure as hell enjoy watching it -smirks evilly- James Bond gets tortured quite intensely in this manner in Casino Royale.  There are many who don't like this Bond flick because it's a prequel to all others and the Bond we see in this isn't the 'typical' Bond.... he falls in love and gets ooey gooey...  but then, I tend to love a bit of ooey gooey mushiness at times.  -grins-

Body of Evidence

 This film actually handles the subject of BDSM fairly well. "Mistress" Madonna has a sense of humor about herself, not unlike Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. It's a solid thriller as well. The main downside is that Madonna plays a sex-crazed killer which takes a lot of credibility away from the BDSM lifestyle. Other than that, however, it's an excellent film. The best scene is when Madonna does Willem Dafoe on a bunch of broken glass. Whew, steaming!

Dominatrices in Modern Television...

Today we will focus our attention on those women in television who portray a dominant role... We will look at a few and discuss them.  There are many many little snippets, innuendos, scenes, and the like in television since 1984 so we won't touch on but a very few.


CSI: Las Vegas ~ Lady Heather

Let's start with an old favorite of Mine... CSI.  Lady Heather is a Dominatrix who knows it's a mental play more than a physical play.  I particularly enjoy two lines from these scenes with Lady Heather... 'don't take any crap from powerful jerks used to giving it all day long'. 'Honey, there are a lot of things you can give a man, your money, your body, even your heart but the one thing you never give him... your power'.  She gives us a good picture of what it is to be a Woman in charge.  She's there to 'read' people, to know what they want and to serve them... See, My darlings, just as it is your place to serve Me it is also My place to serve you in a way.  To see your need and be the fulfillment of that need, as long as it suits Me of course.  

Secret Diary of a Callgirl ~ Dominatrix

Here a call girl has a client who wants her to be submissive, so she takes a lesson from a professional Dominatrix then attempts to be one herself for this client.  I watched the secret diary of a callgirl and quite enjoyed the series but this scene, this episode, truly made Me angry.  It serves a purpose however, to show that being a Mistress/Dominatrix isn't easy.  It's not something one can simply do on a whim.  It's NOT about the physical aspect... the bondage, sadism, clothing... there was NO mental connection therefore it was empty for the both of them.

Desperate Housewives ~ Mistress Kate

Mistress Kate here is sublime... she's real... not all in leather with crops.   I love the power play here, the interactions and dialog like they were conversing over breakfast yet the element of power control, the mental kink that I love, is there in full view.  Even as she is giving him choices she is in charge... brilliance.   Though the pain of the stilettos would be dreadful the choice he must make between passion and love even more so.... it's sad when one must choose.  

Sherlock ~ Irene Adler

And of course My all time favorite... Miss Irene Adler from Sherlock. Her entire character is nothing but intelligent and capable Dominatrix.
Our first meeting of her (as well as Sherlock's) she is completely naked except for a pair of heels and that sexy 'I'm in command, I own everything I see, including you' look in her eye. The entire bit of screen time she gets she proves her look is true. She captivates us as an audience, holds us right where she wants us... more importantly she mesmerizes Sherlock, she knocks the super-intelligent man from his precarious perch till he's succumb to her entirely. He only ever seemed to call her 'the woman' as she was the only woman to him.


And just for fun I found a commercial I thought you'd get a kick out of :)

 Vodka commercial


P.S. If you click the name of the show, it will take you to a clip from youtube.

BDSM in the Media

BDSM isn't new, it's been around for a very long time (we will delve into the origins when I'm a little clearer in the Mind).  It's recently become a bit more accepted in the mainstream media.  You'll find it cropping up in commercials, tv, movies, books, magazines, music... 

This is both good and bad in My opinion.  It's always good for people to become more 'open' about what is considered taboo.  It's good for a person's mind to be broadened and expanded.  Yet so many times the subject of BDSM isn't handled properly and it's turned into a 'romantic comedy', 'dangerous dungeon of doom', or 'something for the perversely dark and wicked criminal'.   I hear all the time no P.R. is bad P.R. but in some cases that simply just isn't true.  

This week we will explore together a different facet of media and it's impact and dealings with BDSM every day.  The pros and cons and the fun fluff stuff as well. 

Monday: TV
Tuesday: Movies
Wednesday: Literature 
Thursday: Music
Friday: Internet

Thank you.

I wanted to take the time to stop and say thank you.  All three of you in one way or another showed how much you cared yesterday and today again as I went into the hospital.  I cannot express just how appreciative

 I am of it.

We don't tell many at all if and when things happen where I am concerned physically.  I'm not one who enjoys masses knowing 'what's wrong' with Me.  Not for prideful purposes but simply because I don't like to be handled with kid gloves nor do I enjoy pity.  I prefer to life My life as if I didn't have any physical ailments to the outside world and quietly handle them alone.  Well, not completely alone, but with very few who I can trust not to make a big deal of it.  I'm just obstinate like that.

It is with a truly sincere heart and slight snicker that I also tell you, I will most likely be all too involved in pestering you for the next two days.  I've slept all I can today to try to catch up and watched Dexter to try to stay busy (as I force Myself to sit).  I'm already truly bored though...  The one down side of having to adjust medicine and go through this is that My brain isn't completely clear for a few day either.  So long in depth and complicated discussions is a no go.  I simply can't concentrate on one thing for very long... ADD at it's best!!  

I don't expect you to drop everything and entertain Me so if you're busy when I send a random text or whatever, because I'm thinking of you, I'll not be all fibbledediggeted mad or anything.  I know you each have lives.  However, do expect them... lol.  do expect them.  I've already almost sent a few but then decided not to and deleted them.  LOL.... 

On a side note... please keep your fingers crossed that these meds work.. oh and that My nose ring heals back up.... I had to take it out when undergoing tests and because it's still new I had to 'poke' it back through today when we got home... can I say HoLYMUTHERFUKINHELL OUUCHHHH!!!  Now that I've had it in again a few hours I have now what seems to be a bump of infection around it (ugh like I need this).  I'm doing what they say to do to try to heal it though.   (and can I say, that's just Me... I go to the hospital with a heart problem and ultimately worry not about My heart or dying but My nose ring healing.  Why you ask?  Not because I'm shallow, heck no.  Just because I learned long ago not to worry over things I CAN NOT control... I can't control what My heart does or doesn't do.  I can't control when I will die, how, or why.  So I don't worry about it.  I CAN control, or well I hope to control, that this blasted thing heals and I don't have to remove it completely)

Ok this was supposed to be a short simply thank you blog and it's turned into this... oiii vey.  I really am bored. 

Time effectiveness and pleasing Mistress.

prioritize

prīˈôrəˌtīz,ˈprīərə-

verb

 determine the order for dealing with (a series of items or tasks) according to their relative importance.

There are a million things to do each and every day we are alive.  From the time you wake until the time your head hits the pillow every night there are decisions to be made, things do to, people to see and take care of, work to be done, necessities that can't go undone...  

Time is a unique resource in that everyone is given an equal amount ~ a gift of 24 hours each day. How you invest that gift is a major factor in how you feel about your life and what's important to you. (detectives look at where people put in their time and money.. for that is where their heart is) Time goes by at the same rate no matter what you do. You can't speed it up or slow it down. Unlike the other resources that you manage, there is no way to control time. The best you can do is take charge of yourself in the framework of time given, investing yourself in those things that matter most in your life.

Setting priorities is a matter of deciding what is really important. In this case "important" means important to you. What activities and roles give your life meaning? These are the parts of your life where you most want to succeed. Everything in your life cannot be a priority. Lots of important things will compete for attention over your lifetime, but there are not enough hours in anyone's lifetime to give attention to everything that is good and worthwhile. Deciding on your basic priorities is a key exercise in moving toward more effective use of your time. Your basic priorities provide a means for making time choices, helping you decide where it is important to invest yourself and where you can let go.

On a daily basis you also have to learn to set task priorities. Prioritizing tasks includes two steps:
 
 Determining what needs to be done
 Deciding on the order in which to do the tasks

How do you decide what work needs to be done? For the most part, it relates back to your basic priorities. To be effective in your time use, you have to weed out the work that does not fit with your basic priorities.

So My question to you... What are your priorities?  What are those things in your life you value more important than others?  There are things obviously, that have to be done every day for each of you, as well as for Myself.   Eating, sleeping, self grooming, etc. All daily tasks.  There's work, kids, meetings, doctor appointments, spouses, more work, etc.. it goes on and on over and over every day. 


  
 Life happens... sometimes things get crazy and hectic for a time and we lose focus.  I've done this Myself from time to time but we will continue to spiral away from priorities unless we take time in our hands instead of allowing it to get away from us. 




  
Today is Friday, today is the day you take back your priorities and I start demanding them.  From here on out, unless BEFORE discussed and given permission... the tasks I've given will become a priority.   That includes your blogs as well as responding to My own.  I find a schedule is best at helping to set something as routine, so it's not forgotten, pushed aside, or taken over by other things in life.    If your blog isn't done, or you've not responded to My own... I will presume, after this blog, that you simply don't care to be obedient and proceed as such.

 

Back

Today, I want you to go back to yesterday's blog... Read it.  

Why, you ask, well because My darlings only one of you has even bothered to respond.  So, you see, I'm not altogether sure all three of you have read it. 

Writing this blog takes time, thought, effort...all of which I value in life.  Using these things to allow you a glimpse into Myself, to help guide and lead you, in vain isn't something I particularly enjoy. 

I know you boys have both been extremely busy... so I'm assuming you've read it just didn't respond because you were overwhelmed with emotion at the thought of My love -rolls eyes and shakes head-  That you didn't have time to adequately stop and write down your thoughts and feelings on the matter because again, you were so overcome with emotion at the prospect of My love toward you.

So today I am giving you a chance to catch up... on yesterday's blog as well as any other you've not read.   Just so we are all on the same page. 

Poly Poly Poly

Poly Poly Poly...

Polyamory:

      The word "polyamory" is based on the Greek and Latin for "many loves" (literally, poly many + amore love). A polyamorous relationship is a romantic relationship that involves more than two people.  

Polyamory is not swinging where the focus is on recreational sex, though friendships and deeper bonds may develop. With polyamory, deep relationships are the focus, though the sex is often fun.

It's not having a girlfriend on the side. The technical term for that is "cheating."

       The thing that defines a polyamorous relationship is that everyone involved knows about, and agrees to, everyone else's involvement.  It is defined by informed consent of all the participants.

Wait.. you can only love one person at a time right???

       Many people believe that a person who has multiple loves can't give their "whole heart" to any person. The belief goes that if you love one person, you can express your love wholeheartedly, but if you love multiple people, your love is divided up and is therefore not as deep. This is based on the "starvation model" of love--that is, you only have a limited amount of love, and if you give your love to one person, there is none left to give to anyone else--so if you fall in love with another person, you have to pay for it by withdrawing your love from the first person.
Love is not the same thing as money. With money, you have only a limited amount to spend, and when you give it to one person you have less left to give to another. But love behaves in wonderful and unpredictable and counter-intuitive ways. When you love more than one person, you soon realize that the more love you give away, the more love you have to give. Yes, you CAN give your whole heart to more than one person, and when you do, you realize it's the most beautiful feeling in all the world.

       Don't think of the contents of your heart the way you think of the contents of your wallet; it doesn't work like that.

       Some people also seem to feel that it is not possible to love more than one person at a time, so if you're in a position where you're in a relationship with one person and you happen to fall for someone else, this proves you don't really love the person you're with, right? After all, the feeling goes, we are put here on this earth to love only one other person, our one true soul-mate in a world of six billion people...the single person who is right for us, and who by some quite astounding coincidence happens to go to the same school, or work at the same place.
This is the "scarcity model" of love--the notion that love is rare, that we can only have one true love, and that once we meet that one true love, the part of our brains which take notice of other people suddenly and mysteriously shut off.  (which I find absolutely absurd)

       So how do we judge love, how do we model it.. What is Love?  (desperately wanting to sing the song now by Haddaway)  
        Love can't be defined in words nor in feelings.. there are countless poems, books, movies, musings and thoughts on love...  no ONE is right and no ONE is wrong... My take on love...

Love is a many splendored thing
It’s the April rose that only grows
In the early Spring
Love is nature’s way of giving
A reason to be living
The golden crown that makes a man a king

“Once on a high and windy hill
In the morning mist two lovers kissed
and the world stood still
Then your fingers touched my silent heart
and taught it how to sing
Yes, true love’s a many splendored thing”

       Yes yes it's Sinatra, but he had it right in My opinion in a way... Love is a many splendored thing.  Don't try to define it, box it, categorize it, or classify it... Love is Love... leave it at that.  I believe love is a many splendored thing limited only by our imagination (by the way.. the rat pack are completely marvelous!!)

       Anyway, back to what I intended for this blog, in a poly relationship, it is vital--perhaps even more vital than in a monogamous relationship--for everyone involved to know and understand the rules of the relationship, and abide by them. A successful poly relationship absolutely requires trust and security from everyone involved. If you cannot abide by the relationship's rules, you cannot expect to make a polyamorous relationship work.

     I love my fiance with all I am, he is and forever will be my man.  I love brenda with all I am, she is My beautiful love, the epitome of feminine grace and all that I admire.  I love jonathan, My sweet morsel, he is the sweet and fun pup that I adore.  I love paul, My doll,  the stoic champion who I cherish.  
      I do not love any of you any less nor any more than the other.  I can't explain it if I tried, it simply is.  I would lay down My life for any of you, for all of you... To the moon and back, eternity and beyond.  My heart cannot contain it all at times and I quite literally have to stop, force Myself to breath and compress it again.  I don't say this for flowery words to waste space on the page... It's so more than true.  I love each of you, deeply, profoundly... without hesitation, doubt, or inhibitions.

 
       

Do or Die

     I sit here this morning debating on how to say what I feel I need to say.  Words come easily to Me, especially when I write (not so easy, often, when speaking) but a topic I've dealt with today causes Me to pause a moment and think carefully how to word things.  I am not accusing anyone of anything, I am not in any way upset at any of you, in earnest I'm asking for total disclosure or giving you an easy way out...  not because I want you to go but because I love you.  I genuinely, honestly, completely love you. 
    
       I read a deplorable question a submissive asked today in Fet about her Dom... sadly I see it all too often, shit I've experienced part of it once.  She was with a Dom for two years and found out he had a wife... the message she gave wasn't all together clear and there are always two sides to every story but I've seen it before, too often.  People rush into things without knowing 'who' they are rushing into them with.   I see it in the vanilla world every day (did it Myself with My ex husband).  In the BDSM world, it should NEVER happen.. just never never.   When you're entrusting your life, your sexual desires, your mind, your body, your very essence to another person... why the hell would you not go slow and get to know the person?  Time to learn who they are, if you fit within what they desire, if they fit within what you desire, and if trust can be built.  

      Trust is a complex thing... not at all easy for Myself for varied reasons. I've had vanilla relationships where the trust was broken.  I was engaged to a man who I caught having sex with My best friend on My birthday when I was 17.  I have had D/s relationships where the trust was broken.  I had a submissive who I allowed Myself to get close to... to find him up and gone one day, completely... I found out why... don't ask if you don't want to know the answer... it's not pretty and it's something I am very careful not to allow to happen again. 
       I will tell you, it will take more than just a few months to truly earn My trust.... I'm trusting each of you already with some things and it's a stretch for Me to do so.  I trust that you are doing the meditations, being obedient with what is in the contract, being honest with Me, etc since I'm not with you 24/7.  I will give you the benefit of the doubt and trust you until you prove otherwise.  (innocent until proven guilty).  However, I will warn you, when My trust is breached, when it's been broken... it stays that way.  I am an overgenerous person with understanding, compassion, and grace... however, when trust is lost it's never regained and that will end any relationship you and I have.   
       I would rather be told and know the ugly truth than to be lied to, about anything and everything.  If you come to Me, telling Me of a mistake, a disobedience, a white lie, whatever... within a short time of doing it... things can be worked out.  If I find out on My own, if it takes you a long time to come clean with something, and especially if you've lied to cover up a lie... My trust shatters. What is any relationship without trust?  There isn't one.  Especially our M/s relationship.  I don't care who else you lie or pretend to (well in a way I do... if you lie to others how can I be sure you won't lie to Me sort of thing... but your life outside of Me is your life)  just never ever lie to Me. 
        It's not like I don't lie Myself... -laughs-  when meeting with sweet yesterday I had to tell My family I had a meeting (which in a way is truth)  but no the hell way am I going to say 'Hey, Ma, I have to go meet some sexy man at a hotel and have My way with him, will you watch the boys?'  ROFLMA... that sooooo wouldn't fly. 
        To those who are truly close to Me though, I never lie... (on that note, Rob says to tell you three not to fuck up cause he likes seeing Me happy... he then told Me not to fuck up as well -rolls eyes playfully-) I will never lie to My husband nor to My slaves... a loving and worthy relationship cannot be built on anything but truth.

In saying this... I've weighed the pros and cons when we first started talking contract (calculated risks and all -winks to sweet-) but if I was wrong in My calculations.. if I threw the list away and said to hell with it I want this with you when you know I shouldn't have now is the time to say. Now is the time to confess anything and everything you may need to confess... now is the time to bow out of our relationship if you so choose... now is the time to get truly serious with our relationship. I do not want to wake up one morning a month from now, or two years from now to find out it was all a lie. I've fallen in love with you and I cannot nor WILL NOT allow Myself to love someone who isn't balls to the wall ALL IN.  

When the bee stings...

We all go through troubling times; some big and some routine.  Just because the same asshole gives you shit every day, day in and day out, doesn't mean it's any less of a troubling time than if someone say got fired, couldn't land that job, or had a loss in their life.   All troubles big and small are called troubles for a reason.  They are troublesome.  They make us feel inept, inadequate, angry, frustrated, down, and even depressed. 
    So what happens when you're in those troubles?  What do you do?  Do you allow yourself to stay there, to wallow in it?  Do you work your way through them, keeping your eye on the other side?  Different personalities will go through troubles in different ways.  No one is right or wrong... well ok, it's just plain wrong to become a 'self pity diva'.   But then, that's how some people deal... I just don't particularly enjoy being around those types of people.  
    Want to know what I do?
                 Of course you do... and even if you don't, I'm telling you anyway :P

     When troubles arise, be they the big traumatic events or the day to day routine troubles (like a teenage girl throwing a fit because mom won't let her wear her favorite shirt to school) I quite literally sing to Myself... yup, you read it right, I sing.  A tune you might be familiar with...

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

        Of course, what this does, in essence is to make Me think of things that I enjoy, that I look forward to, that I crave.   Then I can get through the troubles, working through them of course because I'm a high D and nothing goes unsolved around here, with a smile and a pep in My step.  

         I don't like to feel down, frustrated, or angry... so I choose not to (well unless something merits it greatly... someone deserves My anger they get it) or at least not for a lengthy period of time.  I've always been this way, even as an older child and teenager.... I had a few 'nicknames' growing up, one of the many that seemed to stick was 'sunshine'... Not because I wore yellow.. yellow does NOT look good on My skin... but because even when things were going to shit, I'd smile and goof off.   Not that I don't take things seriously, I do, I just choose to be happy.   Yes, happiness is a choice, we must choose everyday.   I choose to surround Myself with people who make Me happy.  

           I'd like each of your next blogs to be on what makes you happy?  Look at the song again.. what would you put in those slots?  What and who make you smile?  

 

Some term clarifications

Those just entering the BDSM world will find the abundant usage of both of these words by members of the online community. Thanks to the rapid growth of access and the restrained attainability of quality texts that will correctly interpret what these words mean within the community itself. Until a few years ago the BDSM world was a tightly closed and almost secret society. Membership in this society was kept completely private and hidden with significant effort. To gain access into the community you'd need a referral and accompaniment. Protocols or rules of conduct were strict and strongly enforced, not from some control standpoint but because those rules became necessity from bitterly hard lessons in survival. 

A Dominant is a person with a dominant aspect in their personality.

A Master is a Dominant with significant real life BDSM experience.

The Dominant...
 
It can be fairly said that all Master/Mistress’s are Dominant. It cannot be said that all Dominant’s have earned the title of Master/Mistress. The Dominant person will range from lightly, moderately and heavily dominant. They may desire to engage in a relationship which is infrequent and strictly scening. These light Dominant’s will generally have a very limited desire to have a significant D/s relationship, this is sometimes due to conflicting life events and other times due to being ‘barely dominant’.

The moderate Dominant is the most common Dominant and will characteristically be interested in a ‘relationship’, though often they may not desire a full time relationship when they are fairly new to the community. They tend to have a broader range and more committed style than the light Dominant and the submissive will find them to be more stable. They will tend to be decently educated and interested in their outer world. They may tend to control through a blending of thought and the traditional type disciplines.

The heavy Dominant can be distinguished primarily by a clear, strong and compelling desire to live in a 24/7 relationship. This Dominant will generally have been in the community for a long time or be seasoned, will have explored the ‘abundance’ of many D/s events, meetings, scenes and partners. They can be more tolerant as well as more strict than any other Dominant. A high percentage of heavy Dominant’s will have spent some portion of their BDSM life as a submissive, learning from the inside. These Dominant’s often allow few limits and believe that their submissive must trust in them to direct them in a safe, sane manner. They are generally well rounded and quite stable. Holding to simple, firm rules with a strong desire to maintain the health and well-being of their chosen.

One of the most significant traits which distinguishes a member of this community is the basic desire to serve for the pleasure of another. This aspect trait is shared by both Dominant and submissive though manifested in entirely different ways.  The Dominant is serving the needs of the submissive by giving and directing that submissive in a manner which is pleasurable to the core being of the submissive. In that way the Dominant is the giver, the submissive the receiver. In a good or well rounded relationship this flows back and forth between both Dominant and submissive. The submissive is giving obedience and consent to the Dominant, the Dominant is giving direction and control to the submissive.

Additionally, you have those who go by the name of Top. This person is generally an individual who enjoys scening from the Top position. S/he may or may not have a strong dominant aspect. Many Top’s will openly indicate that they do not consider themselves to be a Dominant, they generally have little desire to be in a controlling position of another person’s life. Many see themselves in dual roles and may identify themselves as switches, or having the ability to switch from Top to bottom role.

 I also need to mention the Sadist here. A Sadist may or may not be a Dominant, in much the same way as a Top. Often a true Sadist will openly identify themselves as a Sadist. They scene because the inflicting of pain upon another being brings them pleasure. In many cases the Sadist has no desire to live in a controlling position over another person. Also the true Sadist is very attuned to ‘scene limits’, they can and may be a stickler for very precise identification of what is permissible and what is not. In general terms they are not oriented toward ‘serving the pleasure’ of the person they scene with though often they are very skilled, very intelligent and very careful.
A Dominant may be sadistic and will often have a strong sadistic side which allows them the ability or range to interact with the submissive in an intense sensory stimulation way.

THE MASTER/MISTRESS...

The Master/Mistress is beyond the last level of the Dominant. They are generally well experienced, often having lived as a full time slave as part of their training. This title used to be given within the local communities in a ceremonial way when the individual had earned this title by the estimation of a majority consensus agreement of the Dominant’s within that local community. It was considered to be a high honor and carried with it a measure of instant respect by all those so encountering it. In addition there is a further title of Grand Master/Mistress. This title is awarded even more rarely and should you encounter any individual with this title, you should offer extreme respect and understand that this title was awarded for demonstrable and long term consistent actions.

 Many Dominant’s have no desire to assume the identity of a Master and require their submissives to call them Sir to be used as the reverent title of choice. This also holds true for Ma’am.

Also, a submissive is not allowed to address an individual as Master or Mistress unless they are within the collaring process with that Dominant.  

Pickles and Peanut Butter

...Cravings...

crav·ing

noun \ˈkrā-viŋ\

: a very strong desire for something

   Right now I'm craving some dark chocolate and caramel... and there's neither in the house.  Go figure.  When I was pregnant, with all of My children I craved different things, but the two constant were pickles and peanut butter.  A peanut butter pickle sandwich ALWAYS hit the spot just right.  (I still like them on occasion when I'm not pregnant -winks-)   

    Food cravings aren't the only out there however.  We can crave anything and everything. We can crave people, things, food, ideals, philosophies.... if it's obtainable it can be craved.  

    My soon to be brother in law came over Wednesday and stayed till today (while Rob was home).  We three had a very long and in depth talk Wednesday night about BDSM, the M/s dynamic, and what I crave.   (the three of you were mentioned a bit as well).  It's not very often I talk about such things with 'family' for the protection of My children and well, so I don't make Rob look like a man with a 'weirdass fiance'.   But Rob brought it up and My brother in law was curious... who am I to deny one information on something and three someones I love?    

       In the course of our talk, he kept saying he just didn't understand the whole 'control' aspect of it  (lol on a side note neither of them much enjoyed the whole cbt talk either.. lol).  So I helped him understand it a bit.... I psycho-analyzed him (after much prodding, I don't like to do it to people who are close to Me, not verbally to them anyway because it can cause problems).   We dissected his life little by little... I explained to him a few things he does and WHY he does them...   haha, he was like putty in My hands by the end.... so when I sat back and said  'now see, you surrender more control over yourself than you ever thought you did without even realizing it and because you don't 'willingly know' you're doing it you're not getting any of the satisfaction you so desperately crave in doing it.'   His eyes widened - the proverbial light-bulb went on- and he grinned.     I LOVE watching that light bulb turn on, especially when it's something to do with our little M/s world.  

       My darlings, I crave you.  Each and every day I crave to know you more, deeper, to understand how you do things, why you do things. To know what makes you 'purr', what makes you stand in awe, what you dream about both big and little.  I crave your submission as much as you crave My loving control.  

        There are specific things I crave in each of you individually as well.   brenda, your soft delicate femininity and your childlike faith and trust... I crave.

jonathan, your fun loving 'puppy' playfullness and awe... I crave

paul, your delightful charm and wit... I crave.

         To be honest I could sit here all night and list things about each of you that fill My thoughts and soul every day but I've a daughter who's itching to be allowed time on My computer so I will refrain.  

          I want you to know, My darlings, that I find you intoxicating and deliciously divine... even more so than dark chocolate and caramel or peanut butter and pickles!!!