Do or Die

     I sit here this morning debating on how to say what I feel I need to say.  Words come easily to Me, especially when I write (not so easy, often, when speaking) but a topic I've dealt with today causes Me to pause a moment and think carefully how to word things.  I am not accusing anyone of anything, I am not in any way upset at any of you, in earnest I'm asking for total disclosure or giving you an easy way out...  not because I want you to go but because I love you.  I genuinely, honestly, completely love you. 
    
       I read a deplorable question a submissive asked today in Fet about her Dom... sadly I see it all too often, shit I've experienced part of it once.  She was with a Dom for two years and found out he had a wife... the message she gave wasn't all together clear and there are always two sides to every story but I've seen it before, too often.  People rush into things without knowing 'who' they are rushing into them with.   I see it in the vanilla world every day (did it Myself with My ex husband).  In the BDSM world, it should NEVER happen.. just never never.   When you're entrusting your life, your sexual desires, your mind, your body, your very essence to another person... why the hell would you not go slow and get to know the person?  Time to learn who they are, if you fit within what they desire, if they fit within what you desire, and if trust can be built.  

      Trust is a complex thing... not at all easy for Myself for varied reasons. I've had vanilla relationships where the trust was broken.  I was engaged to a man who I caught having sex with My best friend on My birthday when I was 17.  I have had D/s relationships where the trust was broken.  I had a submissive who I allowed Myself to get close to... to find him up and gone one day, completely... I found out why... don't ask if you don't want to know the answer... it's not pretty and it's something I am very careful not to allow to happen again. 
       I will tell you, it will take more than just a few months to truly earn My trust.... I'm trusting each of you already with some things and it's a stretch for Me to do so.  I trust that you are doing the meditations, being obedient with what is in the contract, being honest with Me, etc since I'm not with you 24/7.  I will give you the benefit of the doubt and trust you until you prove otherwise.  (innocent until proven guilty).  However, I will warn you, when My trust is breached, when it's been broken... it stays that way.  I am an overgenerous person with understanding, compassion, and grace... however, when trust is lost it's never regained and that will end any relationship you and I have.   
       I would rather be told and know the ugly truth than to be lied to, about anything and everything.  If you come to Me, telling Me of a mistake, a disobedience, a white lie, whatever... within a short time of doing it... things can be worked out.  If I find out on My own, if it takes you a long time to come clean with something, and especially if you've lied to cover up a lie... My trust shatters. What is any relationship without trust?  There isn't one.  Especially our M/s relationship.  I don't care who else you lie or pretend to (well in a way I do... if you lie to others how can I be sure you won't lie to Me sort of thing... but your life outside of Me is your life)  just never ever lie to Me. 
        It's not like I don't lie Myself... -laughs-  when meeting with sweet yesterday I had to tell My family I had a meeting (which in a way is truth)  but no the hell way am I going to say 'Hey, Ma, I have to go meet some sexy man at a hotel and have My way with him, will you watch the boys?'  ROFLMA... that sooooo wouldn't fly. 
        To those who are truly close to Me though, I never lie... (on that note, Rob says to tell you three not to fuck up cause he likes seeing Me happy... he then told Me not to fuck up as well -rolls eyes playfully-) I will never lie to My husband nor to My slaves... a loving and worthy relationship cannot be built on anything but truth.

In saying this... I've weighed the pros and cons when we first started talking contract (calculated risks and all -winks to sweet-) but if I was wrong in My calculations.. if I threw the list away and said to hell with it I want this with you when you know I shouldn't have now is the time to say. Now is the time to confess anything and everything you may need to confess... now is the time to bow out of our relationship if you so choose... now is the time to get truly serious with our relationship. I do not want to wake up one morning a month from now, or two years from now to find out it was all a lie. I've fallen in love with you and I cannot nor WILL NOT allow Myself to love someone who isn't balls to the wall ALL IN.