When shit hits the fan

 I can't speak for all dominant women but only for Myself in this blog today...
     I'm not one prone to emotional outbursts of any nature....Yes, I get excited, happy, surprised, melancholy, sad, lonely, ecstatic, hurt, and angry but when feeling these emotions I feel them in a controlled way.  This isn't because I'm callous or heartless it's because I learned long ago that emotions are a bitch... of epic proportions. I tend to deal with things head on in a balanced state of mind to avoid being overwhelmed by any sort of emotion... -shakes My head laughing-  I don't like to be controlled by anything... even My own emotions.
    That being said...there are those very rare moments where emotions cannot be kept at bay.  Where My world comes crashing in and I'm left exposed.  Like a nerve that's been flayed and exposed.  I hate, no loathe these moments.  It's hard for Me to show such emotions to anyone.  I'm the one who's in control. I'm the one who's to be strong, level headed, and in charge.  Not you, not anyone, and sure as hell not My own emotions. 
      I can count on two hands and have fingers left over the times that I've shown emotions like this... Last night another was added to it.  The most difficult emotion to show is pain, vulnerability, weakness... and last night I felt all of that exponentially.
      I was broken, completely and utterly broken.... laying on My bed in a heap of sniveling mess.  Only love can make Me feel such pain... and the love of My children far supersedes any other love... to lose a child in any manner in any form is a loss of a massive part of Myself.  As I lay there, sobbing, desperately wanting..no..needing arms around Me, I felt so alone, scared, and broken. Not generally broken but broke open, raw and exposed.  Normal people reach out when they are like that, I tend to hide away.  I don't like to SHOW emotion when I do have it... not like that.  There was no hiding last night however.... the hurt was too deep to hide. 
      I look for response from people... read their reactions... and judge how best to display Myself in that reaction.  Last night, I was overwhelmed by love and I cannot overlook it today in My blog.  I'm writing this to thank you... for being there in My time of need like I could never have imagined. 
      As I lay there broken, unwilling to respond to anyone else as they texted, called, or knocked... I did feel it only necessary to respond to My darlings at least.... not to tell them of what was going on but so they don't feel abandoned at any time of any day.  I'm glad I did.  Two of you put aside your own emotions, your own busy schedules, your own agendas and comforted Me in a very selfless way.
        It wasn't easy showing you My hurt... and not at all easy to accept your comfort... I kept telling Myself I should be giving the comfort not receiving it.... but as I lay in bed, the quiet sounds of Alex sleeping and My own heart racing;  As tears silently filled My pillow while I drifted off to sleep.... I felt you.  I felt your arms around Me, your comforting embrace like a blanket that snuggled Me tight.  I heard your voice telling Me you were there, you'd always be there, that it was your role to comfort when comfort was due...
        It was overwhelming.  you are overwhelming... your beauty, your submission, your devotion, your willingness to be Mine even when I'm not strong in that moment.... that love is beyond anything I can ever express with mere words.  As such My words could never adequately thank you enough... just know that in those moments last night, you won your Mistress' heart in ways no one ever has.  When the world seemed so far away you were there to console and comfort.  Thank you doesn't do justice but Thank you is what I do.

I love you.

~ your devoted and overwhelmed by your love, Mistress.

p.s.  on the matter of My son... I've come to a clear decision today, and after talking to him am at peace and a bit hopeful... I will NOT agree to anything until he sees a counselor and his father and I sit down to talk.... My son agreed to this, hugged Me tight, and said he thought last night too and doesn't know if he could live without Me.... tears of joy all over again this morning..... lol.